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I have connected with my Higher Power.

I have connected with my Higher Power. She is kindness and love and is connecting me to myself and to the world and she is beautiful. She has come to me through the simple, simple acts of willingness and breathing. That’s all it has taken. She has revealed myself to me and she doesn’t falter. She is deep inside and she has been patient whilst I have raged against the world, the injustices, the unfairness. She lets me cry out the pain without self-pity and shows me how things can be - because she is me and I am her. I can be beautiful too. 

I’m not a victim anymore just simply someone who has experienced things. I have been shown that slowness in all things - from walking to the kitchen to thinking about anything - is important for me. I am also being shown how to observe and accept. There is more which I don’t have the words to explain but the shift has happened. I couldn’t find my Higher Power on my own though - I needed the simple love and fellowship of people who know, understand and listen. 

I’ve found them in AA and through the Steps - this is the beginning of a new path. There is still a way to go but today I do it with hope. I have let go and let ‘god’ in which has brought me a feeling of peace that I cannot explain. The wonderful thing is, if I try each day to remain calm and open minded, this new path will unfold before me. When I first came to AA two years ago, I was emotionally shut down. I had no idea which way to go but I felt I had to have a reason to be here. I’ve found it and that reason is simply just to be! I wish I could give this gift to everyone because it is precious beyond words and I try, one day at a time, to be calm, loving and non-judgemental. I have connected with my deceased parents through my dreams and rediscovered how much I love those I’ve resented and been angry with for so long. 

Having the fellowship of others - letting them into my crazy head was an important step and an act of blind faith on my part – is vital. I’ve learned a lot through so many people who have loved me and shown me that I have had to experience everything that’s happened so that I can be here, present, today. AA has given me a view of that life beyond my wildest dreams, through my dreams and through others. Now I know there was a reason because today I am becoming real for the first time in my life, thanks to all that has passed. I no longer regret the past nor feel the need to dwell on it. I will trust my Higher Power instead and will be shown the way. AA rocks! 

ANONYMOUS, Hampshire