Find a meeting

Trusting God

In the madness of being an active alcoholic I believed I was the only leader, had the ultimate authority and governed everything. I had the arrogance to believe I knew better than everyone, there was no way I could work with other people to do well – only I could make that happen for myself. It was a great shock when I finally admitted that this hadn’t led me to where I thought it would. I was isolated and alone, the pain was chronic. I believed God had abandoned me, that there was no good within me or other human beings. I was terrified.

I am grateful for this experience. It was so ugly and uncomfortable that it forced me to a place where I had to let go of my pride and ego and say, “Help – I need help, please help me.” Another alcoholic helped me see how my ‘clever’ thinking had landed me in a treatment centre. AA gave me hope for my future. I couldn’t believe this group of drunks were capable of keeping the meetings going. A miracle!

My sponsor explained the importance of Tradition Two and how without it we run into trouble. Recently I have been in a lot of pain around how a meeting is being run; decisions are made away from the group conscience by members who are governing – the spirituality of the meeting has been disrupted because God’s will is not being exercised. I told my sponsor I wanted to raise my concern to the group; she suggested I didn’t. My sponsor explained that every person in AA is a gift and can be our biggest teacher and it’s okay to move away from it for now. Meetings ebb and flow. She advised me to accept the situation, do the resentment prayer around it and spend time in meetings that keep me in the sunlight of my spirit. I don’t like the suggestion; I want to manipulate my sponsor in order to get her to agree for me to do what I want to do! History has taught me to take the suggestion, trust God and all will be well.

ANONYMOUS