Step Ten
We continued taking a personal inventory, promptly admitting our mistakes. My name is Sylwester, and I am an alcoholic. I want to share my experience of staying sober and living life without alcohol.
As far back as I can remember, my life was ruled by emotions, lack of acceptance, selfishness, ego, and a whole range of character flaws. Many times, my mother sent me to a psychiatrist, but I always thought it was everyone else’s fault – never mine. From a young age, I lived with fear because of my family situation, which included yelling and both physical and emotional abuse. I believe this shaped my personality in unhealthy ways. Back then, I found my “solution” in my best friend – alcohol – which I trusted completely. After many years of depression, suicidal thoughts, and hitting rock bottom, a friend who couldn’t watch me suffer anymore brought me to AA in 2007. At the time, I wasn’t ready for change. I resisted meetings, convincing myself I could handle my addiction alone. I couldn’t, and my life became a wreck, each relapse longer, harder, and worse than the last.
Ten years later, I returned to AA, because every other attempt at sobriety had failed. That’s when my new life began. At my second meeting, I found a sponsor with a sense of humour – something I had never had. I started the AA Twelve Step Program immediately. It wasn’t easy at first – I didn’t understand much. But by Step Four, I could open myself up and finally get to know who I really was. This preparation was crucial for writing what we call the “Tens.” For me, Step Ten is very special. I bring it into my life every day. My sobriety and the way I build my personality, act in different situations, and maintain inner peace depend on it. My weak point is holding onto resentments – they set off a domino effect. Resentment is simply a lack of acceptance toward someone or something, and ego immediately kicks in, thinking I’m always right. Life doesn’t always go the way I want, and then my thoughts spiral, ruining my day and mood.
Step Ten helps me prevent this by writing down my thoughts and recognising how my mind can lead me astray. Early on, it was hard to face my flaws and accept that I can’t always have things my way. Years of self-deception and bad habits don’t disappear overnight. It took work, time, patience, and prayer to start changing myself. Life throws different situations at us, but Step Ten helps me feel at peace with myself. Most importantly, it helps me free myself from my own ego and inner rebellion – which used to be my favorite behaviour. I wanted everyone to pity me, and I even pitied myself. Writing Step Ten about myself made me realize I was hurting myself. I learned how resentments poison my inner life. It’s like taking a poison and waiting to see if others suffer – nonsense. Living with hatred, resentment, or the desire for revenge will never bring peace. Letting go of these feelings brings serenity and joy. Life has its ups and downs, but thanks to AA, I’m aware of my flaws and how they can sometimes take over. Step Ten allows me to respond immediately, maintaining the calm that is a true treasure for me. I can’t change how others see the world, but I can help myself. For me, Step Ten is about putting my thoughts and behavior on paper, reflecting on them, and learning from them. It works – at least for me.
Finally, I want to say that AA has given me the best doctors – other alcoholics. I wish everyone 24 hours of sobriety and peace of mind.
Sylwester
Translated by Aleksandra and taken from WyspiAArze, no 4 (59)/ 2021
Pages 15 and16