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Sincerely saying sorry

MY name is Adele and I’m a very grateful alcoholic.

Before I was offered my life back in the Rooms of AA six years ago, I had a very confused and dishonest view of my actions, and how they affected other people. I was defensive and in denial, blaming everyone else for my disastrous outcomes rather than admitting that

I was part of all the disasters, if not completely responsible. I just didn’t know the truth from my lies, and this had become a way of life.

That all changed when I accepted that I needed help, and this wonderful Fellowship taught me how to look at turning my sad life around. It didn’t happen overnight but gradually, piece by piece. I learned, by going through the Twelve Steps with my sponsor, that I could put myself back together with the strength of the Programme. I learned to listen instead of denying, to accept others rather than expect them to put up with my bad behaviour whatever the cost. I learned to ‘sincerely say sorry’ for my past deeds. And to work on correcting them.

Step Ten has always been so important for me. I am human and will always be a work of progress, not perfection. The words of Step Ten allow me to take a daily inventory as well as apologise for things that I’ve said and done that are hurtful and wrong. Being sincere when I say sorry is vital for me, as in my drinking years, if I apologised at all, it was usually quickly and without any substance or sincerity. I don’t want to be that person anymore.

I have observed so much honesty in the Rooms of AA that this has led me to seek my own honest way of living. I am grateful that these days I am not in continual denial and, even when I make mistakes, I can reflect on my words and actions. And when needed, offer a sincere apology that is heartfelt. Thank you Step Ten.