Resentment Corner
Early on in sobriety I heard many shares that included words such as identification, character defects and resentments. While I certainly got lots of identification and can own the many character defects, I have and still work on today, I discovered something I hadn’t understood about myself when I looked at resentments, which still holds true today. That was to be the one area in my recovery where I didn’t have a lot to deal with. Without over-analysing it, something that definitely held me back in my early days, I realised pretty early on in life I was a middle child with two siblings, an older sister (who was my parent’s pride and joy, their first born) and a younger brother (who was the son they always wanted, after two girls). Now don’t be thinking this was my very first resentment, that I felt unloved or less than. That’s not how it was at all. Quite simply put, I felt everything was as it should be. I loved my parents and love both my sister and brother, but I always knew where I fitted into the family dynamic. I never resented it for one minute. I was exactly where and who I was born to be. Maybe someone would have a very different take on this, but I’m perfectly content as things are.
I also knew from a young age that people would like you or not like you and there wasn’t much you could do about that so I never was a people pleaser. That seems to be a driving force behind a lot of resentments so I’m really glad to have missed out on that one. It left more room for all my other defects!
AA and the Programme of recovery helped me gain an even better understanding of who I was and how my life choices had affected me; some good, some bad. It also helped me resolve any resentments I had carried through life and how to deal with the pain, regret and anger I had both experienced and caused. Like everyone who comes to AA, I had the mess of my own creation to deal with. Now, just in case I’m beginning to sound ever so slightly perfect, (I’d definitely add an emoji here if I could), this is the point where I finish off by continuing to admit to and take ownership of my many character defects, the things I have to work on every day. The biggest challenge of all, trying to be the best version of myself that I can be, reaching out when any opportunity to help others presents itself, one day at a time.
Resentments will eat you up inside. Life’s way too short. Embrace forgiveness and move forward.
Anonymous
