Prosecco Princess
“Relinquishing alcohol was my biggest fear, and what turned out to be my proudest moment.”
I shudder as I write this title, as now I feel so far away from that point in my life. Today, I am nearly seven years sober. I often cast my mind back to days past with bittersweet thoughts, as they say you should never shut the door to the past. I have learned from my drinking days; it has made me stronger and made me the person I am today.
The title I bore was one of entertainment to my peers, but for me, it was one of acceptance, inclusion, and all the things I craved to be ‘part of’. Instead, what I received in return was abuse, ridicule, shame, and self-pity, but worst of all, the tragic loss of myself – I no longer knew who ‘I’ was, the light had expired in my spirit, I merely existed from one day to the next. I reached a point of no return!
This brought me to an AA meeting. I stood before a group of strangers and asked them for hope and kindness. What I got in return was much more than I had anticipated; they listened to me, understood me, and gently steered me toward the person I am today. I plunged into the AA literature and meetings, and also did what was suggested by others. I slowly began to see changes in me and found like-minded people that seemed to accept me without the party antics … I did not need to perform anymore.
Relinquishing alcohol was my biggest fear, and what turned out to be my proudest moment. I take pride in being an alcoholic today; it is the longest commitment to anything I have ever done. Yes, there is still fear in my life but today it comes in more muted tones, my emotions are less erratic and severe, even with the menopause. When irritated by something, I speak to my sponsor, which immediately returns me to sanity.
Today I can look myself in the mirror without hatred and disgust, I am getting to understand my triggers, what I like and don’t like, and more importantly what I will and will not accept. I found and exercise healthy boundaries and say NO to things I do not want to do; people pleasing is not needed in my life as I have come to realise, instead of pleasing others, why not please myself – this is not selfish, it is self-love. What I will do is reach out to those who are suffering; there is a subtle difference.
Whoever reads this account, I wish you well in your journey to understanding yourself and living a life beyond your wildest dreams.
Rebecca
Dunblane
