Opening the Door to Myself
My sponsor told me that active addiction would most likely end in one of three places: death, a psychiatric hospital, or prison. I made a decision that I was willing to do whatever it took to change my life, and I chose the path of recovery through the Twelve Steps. For me, that meant, among other things, getting to know myself honestly.
I felt strong anxiety about taking my Fourth Step. At AA meetings I had heard people share that some members went back to drinking after completing their moral inventory. I did not want to return to my drinking life. My sponsor reminded me that the previous Steps were preparing me for Step Four. Trusting my Higher Power, I completed my inventory over 21 days, as he suggested.
Step Four opened the door to myself. I came to see my defects, fears, shortcomings, limitations, and the harm I had caused others.
I also had to face the illusion of my own uniqueness and infallibility — the belief that I somehow knew everything and was above it all.
Step Four became the beginning of consciously building my identity. It helps me answer the question: Who am I?
Step Four works when I work it.
Rafi J from Polish group ‘It Works’ in Olsztyn, Poland
(Translated for Roundabout by Aleksandra A, Magazines Liaison
Officer for Poles in UK Intergroup)
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