No other explanation!
MY name is Jon and I’m an alcoholic. Nine years ago, I finally accepted I was powerless over alcohol and that if I didn’t do something about it, I would not have long to live. At the time I was 50 years old and had been what is known as a functioning alcoholic all my life, after first becoming drunk at the age of 15. The following 35 years are something of a blur, but it consists mostly of numerous jobs and relationships, bankruptcy, a drink-driving ban, and two failed marriages with much heartbreak to both wives, my three (now adult) children and the rest of my family.
There were several half-hearted attempts at sustained sobriety and much well-meant and intentioned offers of help and support from family, friends and loved ones, all of which I ignored and rejected, adamant I was the only one who knew the real me and what problems I had to deal with. Ultimately, I ended up in prison which actually was probably the thing that saved me. I finally gave in and accessed support while in a recovery wing in jail, this continued with the help of an external agency I became involved with on leaving prison and who are now my full-time employers.
My reason for writing this particular share is that I found myself thinking recently about the wording in the Twelfth Step, “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” (BB p.60) and I wondered whether I had actually experienced such an event. I then stopped to think and everything instantly made sense. Of course I had had a spiritual awakening! How else could I explain nearly 9 years of sobriety and my daughter being fully back in my life? She lives quite near me, and we are in daily contact which in itself is a miracle. My oldest two are further away (like Australia), and have families of their own now, but in their own way have been kind enough to forgive as best they can for my failings as a dad over the years. In addition, I have my job as a support worker working with ex-offenders and addicts and I can now go into the very prison I was locked up in 10 years ago to support and advise lads on the wings there. I can honestly look them in the eye and say, “I have been where you are now.”
I don’t live in a big house or drive a flash car anymore, but what I do have is a sense of gratitude, peace and wellbeing that eluded me all the years I was in the madness. God willing this will be my tenth Christmas without a drink, and I still thank my Higher Power on a daily basis for another 24 hours sober and alive. I remain aware that I am only ever one drink away from returning to insanity and losing everything that God and AA have helped me find.
JON