No ambition or maybe paying the price?
I’m an alcoholic from Dundee in Scotland. I was born in Dundee in a ‘single end’ which is one room – six of us in one room. I was a rascal as a kid and got into a lot of trouble and I was a very lonely, isolated wee boy. As far as alcohol in my home was concerned it was an ordinary, everyday, working family. They worked hard and everybody had a job. I didn’t like school and always wanted to be somewhere else. I was always in trouble and before I even picked up a drink I got into all sorts of scrapes. By the time I was 14 or 15 years of age I’d been in trouble with the police because of fighting. I’m one of those alcoholics that believe that the first drink is the one that does the Damage.
I had my first drink at 14. I didn’t have any ambition. I didn’t want to be anything like a plumber or a joiner, I just wanted to drink and that’s how my life went. It was trouble, drink – and more trouble. By the time I was 15 I was thrown out of the house by my father because of my behaviour. I joined the British army and got through, joined the Merchant Navy and got through – then I got deported from Holland. I was in all sorts of scrapes. Mentally, physically and spiritually I was a mess. I was five foot five tall and I weighed about 15 stone. My liver was shot to bits. I went to my GP and I was told to stay off the drink or I was going to die very shortly. So, at 30 years of age, I was destroyed as a human being. I was very low but I’m drunk! I was living on the streets, sleeping in fields, under bushes, doing whatever I could. I would beg, steal, demand and stand outside pubs waiting for people to come out so that I could get a drink.
On the 6 September 1978 two people came to see me at Ninewells Hospital in Dundee where I asked for help. They took me to the Bell Street meeting and I felt at home in the room. I thought “This is where I belong.” The people were nice and in actual fact you couldn’t see anything for smoke. I was quite happy with that because I would be able to steal the dog-ends in the ashtrays because I didn’t have any money to buy cigarettes. The people were very nice, gave me money for the bus home and encouraged me to come back to my meetings – but I was a tough case. At first people couldn’t get through to me but eventually, as time went by, I started to warm to the Fellowship and never had any problem with God, the Steps or anything.
After about seven years I met the guy who was to be my sponsor and he got me on the 12-Step Programme and taught me about alcoholism. I learnt that alcoholism was a physical, mental and spiritual illness, that I had a hole in my soul and that I had a spiritual malady. I went to night school, then university and I got a degree. My profession has allowed me to work in general and psychiatric hospitals and it’s absolute proof to me that drink was the root of my problem. Over time these problems disappeared although I had to work hard at it. I absolutely love the Fellowship. I think that it’s very difficult to do this to be honest, because most stories are long and torturous but it’s a wonderful recovery and I must say that I’m really enjoying it. After paying the price, this is what I’m doing.
Gerry
Dundee
