Living Sober In Prison
WELL now, after 15 years of continuous sobriety I didn’t expect to find myself in the prison system. But here I am and here I’ve been for over 3 years with over 5 more to go, surely you say, you can get and keep sober in prison. There are no bars, off-licences or supermarkets in here. There’s no access to alcohol. You’d be surprised. The ability of inmates to produce a version of booze known as hooch knows no bounds. I have never tried it. I don’t want to try it. I’m told it smells like rotting fruit and tastes like vomit, but at the risk of blindness, brain damage or death you’ll get your buzz. The only bees in here are on the corridors but the pressures are still there. –
Access to your sponsor is by letter or limited phone calls. The minimum is 45 minutes a day, maximum 4 hours a week, remember – you have to use that time for all your phone calls. Get a sponsor in the jail, you only have association time around 23 or so hours a week to interact with them. After that the cell door closes – it’s just you and the Big Book and 45 minutes of phone time. AA meetings in this jail, and of course all jails were affected during covid, there’s no outside AA meetings visiting prisons, not surprising, but I have much to be grateful for. I have a Big Book and I have access to Share and Roundabout. I have about 23 hours free out-of-cell time a week where I can seek out another AA member and have a little bit of Fellowship. I have a phone in my cell and can afford to have that 45 minute a day phone time even if the phones go off at 11pm, it’s still better than having one phone between 36 guys on the landing for 10 minutes at a time. I have a monthly half-hour video call with my sponsor and another one with my family, it’s too long a journey for face-to-face visits. I get one free letter a week, but I can afford to buy stamps.
I have a job which pays nearly £25. I have a bed, a chair, a toilet and sink, a kettle and TV, and now 5 of us on the wing meet up twice a month and share our experience, strength and hope and we’re left to get on with it without control of prison management. We 5 have been encouraged by the in-house Drug and Alcohol Recovery Team, but they have no input at this meeting. It’s as close as we can get to an AA meeting. When I get out there will be an AA meeting that I could attend. Although everything is harder and more pressured in here, the lessons I’ve learnt in AA mean the world: one day at a time, be grateful, don’t be judgemental, take responsibility for yourself and my personal favourites, the Serenity Prayer and Act on Fact all make this time more do-able. There are many other lessons learnt that crop up from time to time.
Is it easy to stay sober in jail? No, it isn’t but it’s only as hard as you make it. Don’t grieve for what you’ve lost, be grateful you had it, be grateful for what you have, and please be grateful for being sober today. Don’t pick up the first drink and you’ll go to bed sober again. When I said to my sponsor that I didn’t think I could do my jail time he came right back with, “You didn’t think you could go a day without drink. Now look at you.” He said, “One day at a time is how you did that.” Yes, and I work the Programme, consider my actions, interact with my sponsor, asked for help and accepted the help that was offered and try to help others. I changed the way I think. I’m applying this to a life in jail living among people with whom I would not normally mix with. I do all this, and more, imperfectly, but there we have progress not perfection.
A big talking point in jail is, “What’s the first thing you’ll do when you get out?” For some it’s a good meal or a burger, for others it’s a pint and a short, maybe it’s a real cigarette, or maybe it’s to find a meeting. By the time this is published it’ll be around 275 weeks to go to that next meeting. See you there. Thanks for considering this article.
ANONYMOUS, HMP
