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Keep moving forwards

MY name is Robbie, and I am a very grateful alcoholic. Grateful to be in the Rooms of AA, and to be another link in the wonderful chain of recovery and service that stretches back for nearly ninety years. I am only able to be here because of all the people who came before offering their own guidance and support and those who are still around now keeping me sober day by day.

Grateful too to be able and willing to make amends and so develop the capacity to be humble without being overly meek, to accept my past self without self-loathing and regret.

Making amends for my past actions and words has been a huge part of my own journey of recovery and personal growth, and as such I was honoured and grateful to explore this process with a sponsee. After being taken through the Steps by my own sponsor, I realise now that just a tiny bit of my old arrogance and complacency began to creep in – I was getting better, learning more about myself and content with my journey. These things may be true, but I needed, and still need, to keep exploring this process, to always keep moving forward. I cannot afford to rest on my laurels as my alcoholism is always lurking, waiting for me to let up so it can drag me back down into its grasp.

The work my sponsee and I have done together, the companionship and closeness we still have, keeps me on track, as does the love and support of the Rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous as a whole. As a result, I can hold on to this desire to keep working on myself and addressing the flaws I still have.

Making amends is still hard sometimes though, which is perhaps only natural, but for the most part nowadays I do not lose sight of how important it is. The minor uncomfortableness, caused by having to address any negative words or actions I may still exhibit, is still far preferable to sinking back into that morass of self-pity and blame-apportioning that makes up my disease – that’s for sure!

Right now, I feel like I am getting better, learning about myself, and pretty content with how my journey is going right now. This isn’t complacency or arrogance, just an amazing feeling of happiness with how I am progressing, thanks to the help of all of the wonderful people in the Rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.

As such, I would just like to again express my gratitude for everything this Programme and the people in it have done for me, I could not be sober and sane without you.

Thank you all so much. Yours in Fellowship

ROBBIE H, Northampton