Gratitude Always
THE signs are easy to spot. Newcomers who have been in AA for a few months often have a sudden great enthusiasm. A dawning realisation that there is a solution for their alcoholism. My own ‘pink fluffy cloud’ period passed years ago. It matured into a more long-term gratitude. One of the ways that I maintain this is by praying every morning. I pray to my Higher Power, to ask for a sober day. I also read from the book Daily Reflections. Last thing at night I simply say thank you to my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God.
When I first came into the Rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was full of self-pity, anger, and resentments. Added to that was guilt and remorse – albeit deep down. I was also very lonely and riddled with terror. Yet people in AA accepted me as I was. They showed me great kindness, compassion, and empathy. They gave me their phone numbers and lifts to meetings. They gave me hope and a solution. I no longer felt alone in the darkness, trembling with fear and anxiety. For that I am eternally grateful to all of them.
Even as a child I was shy and withdrawn. This was something that I unfortunately did not grow out of. Then in my early twenties, I found that a few alcoholic drinks could fix my shyness. Alcohol made me feel more confident. It put me at my ease with other people. It made me shine – or at least that’s what I thought. How easily I was fooled! Fast forward 30 years and I arrived in the Rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I wondered how I was ever going to manage without alcohol – especially in social situations. I was terrified. But through the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous I gained a new confidence. I realised that it is okay to be me, without resorting to alcohol. That is another reason for me to be thankful.
When I did my Step Four it was surprising how often the word fear cropped up. That cancerous emotion had been in my life for as long as I could remember. Alcohol was also my answer to the problem of fear and anxiety. It soothed my nerves, and it seemed like the perfect solution. However, by doing my Step Four I was able to see how wrong I was. Alcohol was not the answer, but Alcoholics Anonymous was, and still is. I am therefore grateful for the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. They have helped me to deal with my fears.
Just before Christmas in 2018, I lost my gratitude. I became restless, irritable, and discontented with life. I cut down on my meetings and became disconnected from AA. There was a heavy price to pay for this in the form of a relapse. Thankfully this only lasted for a week before I found my way back to Alcoholics Anonymous. Bad though it was, I am even grateful for that relapse. It taught me the valuable lesson that I need to really work the AA Programme, and to retain my gratitude.
I am also grateful that I have had two very good sponsors. They have given freely of their time and asked for nothing in return. They have guided me patiently through the minefield of recovery, while sharing their experience, strength, and hope with me. Without their help I would not be sober today. I have also recently been given the opportunity to sponsor someone. This is an incredibly rewarding experience. It also helps to keep me sober and for that I am very thankful.
My gratitude also encompasses those people in AA who have gone before me. They have contributed so much to Alcoholics Anonymous and kept it alive. This is particularly true of our founding fathers, Bill W and Dr Bob. Without their work and their selflessness, I would not be here today – and nor would countless others. But my most profound gratitude goes to my Higher Power, who keeps me sober and gives me a new life every day.
BRYAN, Hampshire
