From Solace To Serenity
“One year since I joined my first women in recovery meeting and finally understood what I wish I’d always known. That, to me, alcohol was the deadliest poison out there, more dangerous than all the drugs in the world.”
As I sit looking out the window, on a beautiful spring day, the sun is streaming through and I’m rested, healthy and happy. I’m just back from holiday with my husband and daughter, my world and I’ve just dropped her off at school. A lot can change in a year.
It’s been a year now since my world came tumbling down, a year since I gave up the fight with alcohol and said “You win. I’m leaving the table, because I know you’ve won.” One year since I joined my first women in recovery meeting and finally understood what I wish I’d always known. That, to me, alcohol was the deadliest poison out there, more dangerous than all the drugs in the world.
Since then, my year has been nothing short of a journey, a road back home and a way forward. I was fortunate to find the path I’m now on; knowing there are those who paid the ultimate price for their struggle. And for that, I’m grateful.
Along the way, I’ve learned the depth of the meaning of courage, wisdom, acceptance and understand why moving forward, you have to be become your own ethical compass, ‘to thine own self be true,’ and stick to the standards you set yourself. And I’ve learned the importance of believing in yourself, even when the world is against you.
I’ve learned that the sunset is even more beautiful without a cocktail in hand, and my laugh is just as loud and real without a drink to ignite the flame of confidence. I’ve learned the day is much longer when your body is fuelled with energy and that true confidence lies within.
I’ve learned to hear the applause of my achievements and not the words of condemnation that do not matter, and that kindness really does grow. Small seeds of hope and friendship can blossom into strength and beauty to guide you through the darkest of moments.
Kindness is contagious and can move the biggest of mountains. The women I met along the way taught me that.
And I learned that the people who matter in your life will always be there, even if they don’t always understand, but there are some you will lose along the way too.
Most profoundly of all, I’ve learned there is no shame in the struggle. There is no shame to admit defeat, and accept you did things wrong, that you struggled and didn’t know why sometimes. There is no shame in falling down, even if you fell further than you thought possible, and the road back seems too long or too hard. Because the rise after the
fall, can be more glorious than you ever imagined.
Never giving up is key. Just keep getting back up, just keep trying. Acceptance will follow if you can make the first step and believe in yourself. We all have it in us to change and that is a truth no one can Steal.
I learned so much more than this, and know I’ll carry the lessons with me forever: the memories, the awareness, the acceptance, the empathy, the compassion, and my heart and hope goes out to those who are still in the struggle, who have yet to face their crossroads, and those I know who will continue to pay the ultimate price. That could easily have been me.
My year went from solace to serenity, a journey down a road of no return, a road to a better life, where true peace lies within. I said goodbye to a life I had once known, a person I used to be, and opened a new chapter to a better life I’m proud of. Because on that day, when the fight was over and I quietly left the table, the real winner that day was not alcohol after all.
The real winner, was me.
Anonymous
Aberdeen