Deepening gratitude
WHEN I first started going to AA meetings, a long timer informed me that ‘a grateful alcoholic won’t drink’. Initially I was a little bemused by this statement as firstly I thought I needed to put in a lot more action daily to stay sober, secondly I wanted to drink each day in my first few months of coming out of a treatment centre and it was taking an enormous amount of effort ‘to get my head on the pillow’ each evening without a drink and thirdly, I thought being grateful was just saying ‘thanks’ to someone for holding the door open.
I quickly got myself a sponsor and went through the Twelve Steps working fearlessly, thoroughly and being as honest as I could at that time. I have subsequently gone through the Programme a second time with a different sponsor as more has been revealed. As I was doing the Steps, the obsession to drink was lifted and by the grace of my Higher Power, one day at a time, this obsession has never returned, contingent on my daily action. I am soooooo grateful for this – me, a daily top-up drinker, not wanting to drink is indeed miraculous.
Then I’m grateful for AA, the Twelve Steps and being able to do service; I have learnt and continue to live life without the need, want or thought of picking up a drink and life, on the whole, is pretty damn good. I am also grateful for sponsorship, for the trust I have in someone to let them know exactly how I am feeling, to grass myself up in this relationship, to listen and take advice when I ‘can’t see the wood for the trees’.
I am grateful for my sponsor suggesting seven years ago that I write a gratitude list, with a minimum of ten things as it was easy to reel off five. For this daily discipline which keeps me grounded, connected and in a positive mindset at the start of my day. For the blessing and privilege that I share my list with sponsees, newcomers and fellow travellers and the joy it brings me to read others’ gratitude lists. Yes, I am a very grateful alcoholic who has not had a drink for quite some days and for that I am truly grateful. The old timer might well have been right…
LiF
MICHELLE, Plymouth
