A grateful alcoholic
‘I should aim to pass on AA’s free gift to others’
At my recent group meeting, someone asked me how I first came to AA. So let me begin.
My name is Norman, and I am a grateful alcoholic, with just over thirteen years’ sobriety. I found myself standing at the edge of a precipice, after years of lying to my family and myself. On arriving home one afternoon, I was faced with two empty half-bottles of cheap vodka, found at the back of a wardrobe. I immediately sprang into denial mode. I told my wife and daughter they were left by a relative a few weeks before. I continued to stutter out some more ridiculous possibilities. The game was up!
I had to admit there and then, that I had a problem with alcohol. If I did not do something there and then, I was about to lose everything. Wife, house and any ounce of respect left from either of them. I phoned the AA Helpline and the lady who answered arranged a person to call me back. They did so 20 minutes later. I agreed to meet someone outside a local meeting that evening.
I had no idea how AA worked. I did not realise it was a free Programme of action. I did enjoy my first meeting. I felt at home. People were talking about things that I could identify with. Their drinking, their life experiences. I had done similar things. I had had similar thoughts to them, but until then, I never realised that anyone else had the same thoughts and ideas that I had been going through. I was now no longer alone in this way of thinking.
I was taken for a coffee in the same centre after the meeting. I didn’t want to go, but I did. I am still so eternally grateful for what the people at the meeting did for me that evening. The number of people who gave me their phone number was unbelievable. The chap who had
met me at the door, bought me a Big Book, but more importantly, they gave me their time. They listened. They said that they had also been in similar circumstances. It was hard to believe, for they just looked so happy and calm and self-assured in their own skins.
I left the meeting that night with their voices still ringing in my head. I still found it difficult to understand that these ‘problem drinkers’ were actually just nice, normal people.
They helped me that day in so many ways. After attending a few more meetings, I managed to begin to make sense of the structure of AA and why it was called a Fellowship. Even a member was bold enough to declare that they were ‘a grateful alcoholic’. How could he be
grateful for an illness that could kill you?
But now I too, am so very grateful, and I know that whatever I do in AA, I can never ever repay what that meeting and what those guys did for me. All they said was that I should aim to pass on AA’s free gift to others, as it had been so freely given to me.
As the weeks went on, one of them asked me if I was powerless over alcohol? By this point it was easy to say yes, and that I had been, for many years. He said if I was, I should find a Power greater than myself, just as he had to do. In later meetings he outlined some of
the spiritual things I might try; help connect with a Power greater than myself to help me to stay sober. This was a nice easing into the Twelve Steps, that I had seen on the walls but had not really found out their purpose. Without me realising, my journey was beginning to take shape. As I became more approachable and confident, other Fellowship members were passing on the free spiritual tools that had been passed to them. I could see how it worked in them.
Next morning, I headed off to another meeting I liked in Glasgow. In AA there is a saying that there is no such thing as coincidence, but, at that meeting I got talking to a guy at the tea bar I had become friendly with. He asked me if I had started on the Twelve-Step Programme
yet. I said I didn’t know if I was quite ready, but I gave him my phone number to keep in touch. That night, he phoned me out of the blue. He said he was willing to be my sponsor if I was still being serious about getting my life back. I immediately said yes. I worked with him on the
Twelve Steps over the next six months. Other ‘coincidences’ have entered my life since then.
It’s often said in AA that we should be open-minded, and when I look back to that first day, I now realise I was. What made me so openminded was the pain. I can only say thank you to those I met in AA that first day, and all those I’ve met since. I know I can never repay what I
have been so freely given. I have now thrown myself into service in the hope of repaying that time and kindness given to me over the years.
So, if you are new to the Programme or are struggling and you hear somebody say they are a ‘grateful alcoholic’, ask them why. I am sure they will be willing to share their story, and I’m pretty sure you will understand why.
Norman M
Saturday Morning, Glasgow