A Better Version
MY sobriety date is 3rd September 2024, and today I can honestly say that Alcoholics Anonymous has given me a life I never believed I deserved, let alone one I could maintain. When I look back at where I was, I truly believe that if I hadn’t found sobriety, I would have either died or lost the two people who mean the most to me, my husband and my son. Before AA, my thinking was ruled by my alcoholism. I lived in blame. Nothing was ever my fault. If something went wrong, someone else had caused it, misunderstood me, or treated me unfairly. That mindset kept me stuck, isolated, and spiralling further into my disease. I couldn’t see my part in anything, and that made real change impossible. When I first came into the Rooms and started working the Steps, I was willing, but only just.
When I first read Step Ten, “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” (BB p.59) I felt uncomfortable. The idea of promptly admitting when I was wrong didn’t sit well with me at all. My alcoholic mind resisted it. I didn’t like the thought of being wrong, because for so long I had convinced myself that I wasn’t. Something began to shift as I worked through the earlier Steps, by the time I reached Step Ten, I realised that I had already started to change. I was beginning to apologise. I was starting to admit when I was wrong, or even when I had simply misunderstood a situation. That in itself felt like a miracle. What Step Ten gave me was more than just the act of admitting my wrongs, it gave me a way to live. Taking a daily inventory allows me to pause, reflect, and grow.
When I feel upset, annoyed, or unsure, I now have a tool. I can look at what’s happened, consider my part, and ask myself what I could do differently. It also gives me the space to pray and bring these moments to my Higher Power. Through this process, I often find clarity much quicker than I ever did before. Situations that once would have consumed me for days, or driven me to drink, are now manageable. Sometimes I can even see straight away how I could have reacted differently, or how to put things right. That awareness is something I never had before sobriety. Step Ten has become something I use daily. I say the Step Ten prayer often, and it keeps me grounded. It reminds me to stay in my lane, to keep my side of the street clean, and to take responsibility for my actions.
If I know I’m going into a situation that might make me anxious or uncomfortable, I say the prayer beforehand. Even that small action helps centre me. If I need to, I return to it again at the end of the day before bed, I will then take inventory and say the Step Ten prayer again. It brings me peace. It allows me to let go of anything that I’m holding onto and start fresh the next day. I’ve also found that I naturally talk to my Higher Power throughout the day, especially when I feel anxious or uncertain. That connection has become one of the most important parts of my sobriety. For me, my Higher Power is deeply personal. I believe my Higher Power is my sister, who I lost when I was just seven years old. In my sobriety, I’ve come to see that throughout my life, especially in moments when things could have gone very differently, something was always looking out for me. I truly believe that was her.
Finding AA, walking into the Rooms, meeting my sponsor, and building relationships with sober friends, it all felt like it was meant to happen. Like I was being guided to where I needed to be. Since getting sober, I’ve had spiritual moments that I can’t explain, but I feel them deeply. They make me feel close to my sister. They remind me that I’m not alone. In my heart, I know she is still with me, protecting me, guiding me, and helping me stay on this path. Today, I live my life in a way I hope would make her proud. I stay sober one day at a time. I use the tools I’ve been given. And I continue to grow.
Step Ten isn’t something I fear anymore, it’s something I rely on. It keeps me honest, grounded, and connected. It helps me live in a way that I never thought possible. Most importantly, it helps me stay present for my husband and my son, the two people I almost lost. Today, because of sobriety, I get to be there for them. I get to be a better partner, a better parent, and a better version of myself. And for that, I am endlessly grateful.
KIRSTY, Berkshire