Waiting In The Corridor
WAIT = Why Am I Talking? Wow, this hit home. Also, that Step Ten – “…restraint of tongue and pen.” (12&12 p.91) So much noise in the world, why am I adding to that, particularly when it is not helpful or necessarily kind? Does this need to be said? Does this need to be said by me? Does this need to be said by me NOW? All very useful and prevents so much fuss and bother IF I remember. This is why I need to keep coming back – to remind myself I am not the centre of the universe; my advice is probably irrelevant and just being of silent support to someone else is so much kinder.
If people want to know something they will ask. So, back to the wait – be brave enough to do so, let people just be and find their own way. I do not know what is good for me so why would I even have a clue about other people? When drinking I could not wait – had to do something, anything, just to change the way I felt. This inevitably would lead to a drink to numb those ‘feelings’ again. Today, now sober for some time, I have learnt from others in our amazing tribe that being brave enough to wait is a far more loving way forward for myself and to others around me. Not making those important decisions after 4pm in the day – leave it until tomorrow, sleep on it and in the morning, a new day, all will be clearer. HP is in charge and does not wear a watch. Sober, it is always in HP’s time not mine.
When one door closes, another opens. It is the waiting in the corridor that is the challenge – so what I do is get on with the next thing. I get out of my way and let life flow through me, not impose, demand or bully my way through, which was my way when drinking. When just into AA and trying to navigate all the new language, routine, meetings, life and the rest, when someone came up to me after a meeting and gave me their opinion and appraisal of a share back to the chair, I would become resentful and homicidal – who asked you? What makes you think you have the answer? When they shared with me their experience in the same situation, I avidly listened and reflected and, more importantly, thanked them for taking the time to do so.
Knowing the difference between sharing an opinion, which is not helpful or asked for, and sharing experience, which is unshakable and a positive contribution, is vital. What we do here in AA is all about the feelings, the way I feel and how that impacts the way I react. I came for my drinking and stayed for my thinking. The committee in my head needs that checkup, from the neck up on a daily basis, to keep me on track and able to deal with life’s challenges. So being brave enough to wait is an amazing gift to use every day and all learnt in the Rooms of AA – keep on keeping on.
ANON