True Perspective
BEING an alcoholic, Step Ten presents me with several challenges. The first is consistency. I’m prone to peaks and troughs of enthusiasm. Initially, I diligently wrote down daily resentments and processed them using the inventory method from Step Four. Eventually however, I stopped the written exercise and found I could manage it mentally. By intentionally setting aside quiet time, I learned to handle life’s emotional challenges effectively. Mistakes, I realised, were inevitable when striving to show up differently in life without sufficient practice.
The second challenge was quitting the blame game. Early in recovery, I discovered how vital connections with others truly are. During my alcoholism, I’d convinced myself that my behaviour was solely my business and others could like it or lump it. But whenever people chose to ‘lump it’, my life felt meaningless. The inventory process was instrumental because it illuminated my own actions. My natural tendency has always been self-justification, proving myself right and others wrong. Through inventory, I understood that genuine happiness often meant letting go of needing to be right.
The third challenge is promptly admitting when I’m wrong. Occasionally, I enjoy nurturing resentments. I enter a strange self-righteous cycle, believing if I delay admitting fault, the other party might be revealed as wrong or unreasonable, allowing me to feel justified. A story that profoundly helped me was about a coffee cup: placed between two people, one sees the handle, the other does not. Both perspectives are true yet different. Remembering this helps me when I feel justified in my perspective, reminding me that standing up for my beliefs and boundaries is essential, but equally vital is accepting that others may not share them.
Through years of practice, I’ve realised I’ll never be free from the necessity of inventory.
Resistance to open-mindedness and tolerance makes me miserable. Step Ten has become crucial for my comfort in this world. I’d rather be happy than right most of the time and when I can’t manage that, I pray!
SAMANTHA, Westgate-on-Sea