Transformative Power
WHEN I first encountered the Step Three prayer in the early days of my recovery journey, I baulked. I shied away from the idea of totally giving all of myself over to God. I was happy to turn over the alcohol problem, my troubles and my defects -but everything? That felt very scary. I scooted through the prayer quickly when I did my Step Three, closed that page in the Big Book and got on with my life. Fast forward a few years and I was at one of the lowest points of my life.
After 14 years of sobriety, I had let myself be persuaded to drink again by someone I trusted and cared about – an active, controlling, and rageful alcoholic. I understand that drinking or not drinking is my own responsibility, but I was without defence at that moment. I had just moved to a small, rural town without friends and was ‘not allowed’ to go to meetings. I had no transport and the active alcoholic in my life somehow managed to exert more and more control over me. The fallout from that relapse was devastating. I lost not only my sobriety but also my sense of self, my peace, and my emotional stability.
Eventually I managed to get sober again on my own. However, living with an active alcoholic made it incredibly difficult for me to attend meetings and maintain my recovery. The Step Three prayer became my lifeline. “God, I offer myself to Thee – to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always!” (BB p.63)
Living with an alcoholic who wielded control through manipulation and anger had chipped away at my spirit. Their unpredictable rages, gaslighting, and constant attempts to dominate every aspect of my life left me anxious and exhausted. For years I had tried to manage their behaviour, walk on eggshells, and prevent the inevitable explosions. Even after I got sober again, their controlling nature made it nearly impossible for me to attend recovery meetings or seek support.
Desperation is a powerful motivator. I realised that my own attempts to control people, outcomes, and even my own isolated recovery had failed me. I couldn’t do it alone, and the Step Three prayer became a tool I could use daily, sometimes even hourly, to remind myself to let go. While still in the relationship, I began saying the Step Three prayer every morning. “Relieve me of the bondage of self…” Those words hit me hard. I had been so wrapped up in fear, resentment, and shame that I couldn’t see past myself. The prayer reminded me to let go of my ego, my need for control, and my obsession with fixing others. Slowly, I started noticing changes. The situations that used to trigger me – a snide comment, a bad memory, or a wave of self-loathing – began to lose their power over me. The Step Three prayer became a pause button in my day. When fear or resentment crept in, I would stop, breathe, and repeat the prayer.
One of the most profound shifts was realising that I wasn’t responsible for anyone else’s behaviour or happiness. I had spent so long trying to control my alcoholic partner, trying to predict and prevent their outbursts, that I had lost sight of my own boundaries. Step Three helped me surrender that exhausting responsibility. My job was to take care of myself, to stay sober, and to trust that a Higher Power was guiding me. This realisation helped me summon up enough strength to walk away and put my recovery first. When I finally left that toxic relationship, I felt hollowed out and broken. The first night away from him, I lay in bed in the spare room of a relative and shook. The fear and desperation I felt made me turn to my Higher Power fervently. I said the Step Three prayer over and over until I fell into a fitful sleep. The next day I went to a meeting and fell into the arms of the Fellowship – literally.
Living alone for the first time in my life has been both liberating and terrifying. I surrounded myself with people who supported my recovery, attended meetings regularly, and leaned heavily on the wisdom of the Twelve Steps. Every day, I made a conscious effort to turn my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power. The Step Three prayer has become part of my daily ritual, spoken in the morning with intention and repeated whenever fear, doubt, or loneliness crept in. Slowly, my life began to take on a new shape.
One of the most beautiful parts of recovery is the opportunity to share what we’ve learned with others. When I see someone struggling with control, fear, or shame, I gently share my experience with Step Three. I remind them that surrender isn’t about giving up – it’s about letting go of the illusion that we ever had control in the first place.
The Step Three prayer didn’t change my circumstances overnight, I’m still grappling with the practicalities of navigating life on my own and the fallout from years of abuse. The prayer has taught me how to let go, how to trust, and how to live one day at a time. And for that, I will be forever grateful.
If you’re struggling, stuck in fear, or drowning in resentment, I encourage you to try the Step Three prayer. Say it once, say it a hundred times and let it work its quiet miracle in your life. It might just change everything – it certainly did for me.
AP
