Step Eight
Step Eight is a particularly important part of the Twelve Step Programme for me. From the very beginning, it stirred up a lot of anxiety, because I knew I had many things to set right – and I was terrified of facing them. Over time in the Fellowship, I’ve come to believe that all the Steps are deeply important. But Step Eight brought about the greatest transformation in me.
What I feared most turned out to be the most liberating experience. I came into the Programme with determination and resolve. I worked on this Step every day, reviewing my entire life. I found courage I never thought I had. I wrote down all the wrongs, the cruelty, and the harm I had caused to my loved ones and friends. The hardest part for me was putting myself in the shoes of those I had hurt – especially since my sponsor suggested I use a “feelings chart” to better understand what the people I harmed might have felt. When I got to my closest family, it tore me apart inside. I had never felt so awful; the guilt was overwhelming. I sat in an armchair for two days, just thinking about what was wrong with me. I realised how I had hurt my mother through carelessness and isolation. How I had hurt my father through complete indifference. How my children had suffered because I wasn’t there as a father. How useless I had been to my family because of my self-centeredness.
My sponsor’s help at that moment was invaluable, because I didn’t know how to proceed. He went through every example with me, suggesting what I could do in each case, when the right time for amends might be, and how to follow through. After meeting with him, I felt relief, because I now knew what I needed to do – whom to write letters to, and which matters to leave alone so as not to hurt anyone further. We also noted the amends I needed to postpone, such as those involving my ex-wives, where there had been violence, betrayal and disrespect. I knew the right time for those conversations would come. I’ll never forget that day. I was more broken than ever before, crying and telling my sponsor I truly didn’t know why I had acted the way I had. That’s when he told me something that became the starting point of my journey: “You’re not evil, hopeless, or crazy. You have a serious illness – but now that you know about it, you can do something about it. You just have to keep walking this path of recovery. People are already waiting for you, so it’s time to get to work.” That day, I closed the old chapter of my life and opened a new one, where I no longer had to act the way I once did. From then on, I began writing the pages of a new life – in honesty, order and love. To make life easier, I strive to be an example for others. I’m not sure I always know how to do that, but I follow the Programme’s principles completely.
Day by day, I change my life for the better – helping others and taking care of my loved ones. For a long time, I carried guilt. But with action and dedication to the Fellowship, that feeling gave way to self-worth. I didn’t yet know that the next Step would bring total liberation and heal many relationships.
Today, many years later, I know that Step Eight made the biggest change in me. It transformed me from a coward and an ignoramus into a man of integrity, responsible for my actions and behaviour. Now, life is easier, because the principles of honesty and love I embraced through the Programme give me a good life – one I can share with those I love.
I pass on the Twelve Step Programme with great dedication to my wonderful sponsees, who grow before my eyes. I believe this is a kind of beauty not everyone gets to experience. I never forget that I’m dealing with a powerful, insidious illness, and that I am powerless over it. But I want to keep working on my recovery, and I know I can – as long as I stay close to the Fellowship and serve it with all my heart.
One day at a time.
Andrzej (Andrew) Alcoholic
Taken from the Polish Fellowship Magazine
WyspiAArze no 3 (70)/ 2024, with thanks