MY name is Danas, and I am an alcoholic. I have been sitting this morning in meditation and reflecting on how my life has changed since I stopped drinking. My mornings before AA were all very similar, waking up, feeling sorry for myself, promising to myself that I will not drink again but deep inside knowing that this will change by about 3pm and I will be getting my poison yet again, just to start over the next morning.

Starting over today is a completely different experience. Today I know that I can start every day with prayer and meditation which brings me peace. And more importantly, when the day brings challenges, sometimes rather unsettling, I know that I can have my peace back the next morning and start over.

This reflection got me thinking on how I came to believe. I have spent years in my drinking disproving God, picking arguments about it when I could. And yet today I can sit in prayer and meditation without the feeling that God doesn’t care about me. I had several moments in my recovery when I came to believe. First one being my first AA meeting, where for the first time in ages I felt I belonged. The evening of the day when I did my Step Three was another miracle, as my compulsion to drink was lifted that day. Shortly after, I had a bike accident and a very serious burn which I came out of unbroken and unscarred. Then I remember the blessed moment when my head got quiet, and I found peace. That was around Steps Six and Seven. I found my way into church and had a spiritual experience. I also found my way out of church. I understand God less today than I ever did, but I also know God more intimately than I ever did.

Today I do not need to understand my Higher Power. All I need to know is that I am not alone. Life is not easy. Some days are good, some are harder. But today I know that I can always ask for help, and help is always there in one form or another. Might not always be what I want it to be, but as I am slowly learning, it’s usually what I need it to be. God bless.

DANAS K, Andover