Renewed purpose
HI, my name is Tracy and I’m an alcoholic. I was sent to Alcoholics Anonymous in 1988 by the state of California for my two drunk driving arrests. I was 20 years old. I was told to listen to the similarities not the differences and as I heard you all share, I finally felt like I belonged – you were telling my story. I’ve been sober since 2nd January 1989 by the grace of the ‘cool AA God’ I met in the basement of churches at my first meetings. That Power greater than myself has allowed me to stay sober until now. I’ve experienced my mother’s death, having babies, moving to another country, raising children, being betrayed and left. My children are grown, most of the time I’m alone, but I get to look at myself on my side of the street and take responsibility for everything in my life today.
At some point, I made a decision based on self which later placed me in a position to be hurt, but because of the Steps and willingness to be rigorously honest with my sponsor and myself, today I am a free woman. The central fact of my life today is that God has entered into my heart, which is indeed miraculous. “He has commenced to accomplish things for us [me] which we [I] could never have done by ourselves [myself].” (BB p.25)
After all the storms I’ve been through in my life, Alcoholics Anonymous and my dependence upon my Creator are the most important things in my life today, and so today at 34 years sober, I get to be a woman who IS the hand of Alcoholics Anonymous. I used to be afraid to say that responsibility statement because I was not willing. It was inconvenient, I used to think to myself, 9-5 Monday-Friday, but today I get to be that hand — get this…in another country, in a language that’s not my first language. God has strategically placed me in a position where I get to be of maximum use to God and my Fellows.
I live a life today beyond my wildest dreams inside my heart and soul because I never knew I could feel this much peace. Well, on the outside my life still looks a little messy, but like it says in the Big Book, I “…live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your [my] present circumstances!” (BB p.100)
And I’m not alone because 24/7 I have access to y’all, ‘my people’. I always can show up to an in-person service, meeting, go and make coffee, volunteer to be the greeter, jump on a meeting online, reach out to a newcomer, go to an intergroup meeting as my group’s GSR, read the Big Book with one of my sponsees, see how
YOU are doing today. I love AA. You’ve given me a purpose; I’m an undercover agent for my Creator. It’s a pretty good deal for a girl who just came here to get the state of California off my back and not go to jail. Open your Big Book, it’s got my solution. Just as it did on day one and even more so today. Don’t leave five minutes before the miracle.
TRACY
