Miraculous Energy
GROWING up in care I was a ghost. I was lost. I had no guidance and no role models. There was no consistency, and I never experienced love. Was it any wonder that I completely identified with the ‘hole in the soul’ that was spoken about when I first entered the Rooms of AA? No, I identified fully. I felt that hole in the soul, I felt that missing piece of the puzzle, I felt the ‘not fitting in’. I had never understood why everyone else seemed to make ‘doing life’ seem so easy.
Now here I was, in a cold hall, with a handful of chairs and a few strange faces, and yet, I knew I’d found what I needed. I walked into that first meeting broken, lost and searching for help. What I got was warmth, guidance, a feeling of belonging and eventually purpose. I didn’t know that AA was about the thinking – not just the drinking. I know now that all of us struggling with this disease think the same, we reach for a drink to change how we feel.
My soul needed a cleanse, a cleanse that came in the form of Twelve Steps designed to clear the internal closet of resentment and fear, and then the real magic, helping others. I have never seen so many miracles happen anywhere else in my life. I’ve watched people, at the depths of despair, regain light in their eyes and go on to live incredible lives that no person could do through their own will. They do it with the support of a sponsor, a Fellowship, a Programme and a Power greater than themselves. Call it the universe, call it God, call it a lucky robin, call it energy, call it what the heck you want, but we all have a Power greater than us, an energy greater than us, that we can ask each day, “Please keep me sober.”
Every day for 1277 days, that energy, that Fellowship, that sponsor has kept me sober, and I live a life that I have always dreamed of. A small house, a healthy child, real friends and my health. What’s stopping you?
KATE B
