Loving Thought
IT’S September 2025 and I am fortunate to be on my first cruise, 14 days in the Mediterranean. As the seas rolled, the sun shone and the entertainers inspired, I reflected on the change the Twelve-Step Programme had brought to my life, “…“a design for living”…” (BB p.28) which works under all circumstances.
Day one, and every day, I admit I am an alcoholic and that my life is unmanageable. Today it’s my thinking that is unmanageable; by following some simple instructions my thinking can be placed on a firm footing of right-mindedness, and by staying connected to the God of my understanding, I have been restored to sanity. So, as I make my way onto the cruise ship with a diverse mix of thousands of passengers who could easily irritate me, I let go and let God lead the way. Deciding not to pay for Wi-Fi onboard I would not have my usual recovery app to hand, so I had my trusted (and very highlighted) Big Book for my daily readings and prayers.
The first day at sea was rough due to the tail end of a storm and this reminded me to remain willing to trust the process, safe in the knowledge that this too shall pass. I sought medical help and was given an anti-sickness tablet, went to my cabin and slept for five hours. When I awoke, the seas had calmed and, feeling much better, I was able to enjoy the delicious food of the buffet with an abundance of choice; the diverse mix of passengers means that the crew cater for a diverse mix of cultures and cuisines; delicious!
When I did my Step Four it was the first time I had ever looked at myself, my thoughts and my behaviours. Today I know these are the only things I am responsible for. I no longer take others inventory and stay in my own hoop. When I asked my sponsor how I would know what God’s will is for me, she replied, “God is love, will is thought.” So, if I come from a place of loving thought, I am in alignment with my Higher Power. This doesn’t come easily to this alcoholic so if I can’t think of anything loving/kind to say, I say nothing, and most of the time this works for me. With 4000 fellow passengers on board, I applied this code throughout my trip. I had a couple of days where I felt the dis-ease and the committee in my head was hurling negative insults, but I remained quiet, prayed to God as I walked around the ship, and remembered that my sobriety is solely because I have a Power in my life today.
I also recite a prayer for protection which speaks of God’s light and love surrounding and enfolding me, and God’s power protecting me. Not only does this act as a reminder that I am no longer in charge, but it keeps me in gratitude. I was told by a Fellow in my early days, “A grateful alcoholic won’t drink”, and this has been true for me. I write a daily gratitude list which I share with a few fellow travellers, and I love receiving and reading others’ gratitude. Not only does this keep me on a more positive plane, but it also means I’m more open and willing to be of service to others and can spot if and when an apology needs to be made and my behaviour changed.
The cruise has provided many stops at different ports; all varied in their own way. This is like my life in sobriety as I’ve navigated some big events and smaller daily challenges which I cannot change, but I can challenge and change my perspective and respond differently as I go forward. Today, while I am responsible for the decisions I make, recovery has also taught me that I can change my mind. The evening entertainment has brought me laughter, joy and the presence of living in the moment and making memories. All of these have been gifts of my sobriety and enable me to continue in the Twelve-Step Programme as I strive for a deeper understanding of Michelle and experience longer periods of presence, peace and joy in my life.
As I begin to pack and get ready to disembark, I feel rested, relaxed and raring to get back to normality with our new puppy, and my search for a new job which will reduce the travelling requirements I have in my current role. Today I have faith and trust that if I put in the daily positive steps, God will do the rest, and I am exactly where I am supposed to be. The Twelve-Step Programme enabled me to clear away the wreckage of my past. Now, with God’s help, and honesty, open-mindedness and willingness on a daily basis, while coming from a place of loving thought and being of service to others, I have a full and abundant life in sobriety. For this I remain forever grateful, one day at a time, by the grace of God. LiF.
MICHELLE, Plymouth