It works – it really does!
Hello! My name is Nikki and I’m an alcoholic. “If we are painstaking about this phase of our development…We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness…We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace…Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change…We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us…They will always materialise if we work for them.” (BB p.83-84)
There was a time when I did not believe that these so-called Promises would come true for me. A time when I thought I was different and a special case! After some time in the Programme, I decided to learn the Step Nine Promises. I decided that if I really wanted to change, I had to have an idea of what I was looking for. At any meeting I go to where the Step Nine Promises are recited, I always quietly say them too. It serves as a great reminder to me – not only of how far I have come, but also of the depths of despair that I came from.
Due to the disease of alcoholism, I lost my professional job. I was a very sick person making terrible choices without giving a damn about anyone or anything else. I was hospitalised on many occasions, with failed suicide attempts, and I was drinking heavily around the clock. My life consisted of drinking and plotting how to get and hide enough booze. I was in the depths of depression. I felt there was no way out of this ever-spiralling downwards situation.
Bring in Alcoholics Anonymous! I attended as many meetings as I could. I did service. I got a sponsor, and I worked the Programme. I try to follow suggestions to the best of my ability. I listened for the similarities and not the differences. I talk to fellow alcoholics every day without fail.
My life right now is so different. In fact, there are times when I truly believe that I am living ‘a life beyond my wildest dreams’. My life today sees me with a lovely husband and two wonderful grown-up children – all of whom want me and enjoy my company (well mostly!). I work outside, manually, for up to seven months during the summer season and then, with my husband and dog, tour Europe chasing the sunshine. I found a letter a few months back that I had written to my future self a few years ago, at the request of a drug and alcohol counsellor who was brave enough to work with me. I was asked to write a letter telling myself what my life could be like if I chose to put the bottle down. And it described my life today! When I first started to think about getting sober, this is the life that I wanted but never dreamed was possible.
And here I am living the dream. As I write this I am sitting in ‘Molly’ – my motorhome – overlooking a mountain range. Sitting opposite me is my husband and snoring loudly on the bed is my dog. I only have one thing to say to anyone new to the Programme or thinking about giving it a go – it works if you work it. So work it, you’re worth it.
NIKKI, New Forest