IF anyone had told me that the solution to my problems would be in an AA meeting, I’d have thought they were crazy. I didn’t drink daily, I hadn’t been to rehab, hadn’t even discussed alcohol with my doctors. I just drank to escape. How could I be an alcoholic?

I did, however, tell anyone who would listen how terrible I felt. So unbelievably lonely even surrounded by people. If I thought of my past, guilt and shame would make my stomach turn, there was no point in thinking of a future because I didn’t have one. Every waking minute was painful and no one, including myself, could seem to understand. By the time I reached out to a friend who I knew was in recovery, suicidal thoughts were a daily thing. I was scared. I had nowhere else to turn. This friend invited me to a meeting the next night.

Arriving to my first meeting I was pleasantly surprised to be surrounded by happy, ‘put-together’ people. They shared some of their experiences with alcohol and how it had affected their life. I felt like they were talking about me. When I heard “restless, irritable and discontent”, I knew that was me. It was in AA that I learned about alcoholism. That it isn’t about how much you drink. It’s about when you pick up – can you stop? How do you feel when you aren’t drinking? I could absolutely relate to that.

The decision I made to get a sponsor and go through the Twelve Steps is the best thing I’ve ever done. It’s helped me understand who I am and given me the tools to quieten my mind from all the shame and guilt of my past. It has given me a hope for my future that I never thought possible. I haven’t picked up or even wanted to pick up drink in nearly five years.

PIP