Finding Alignment
FOR a long time, I thought that practicing Step Three would turn me into a ‘spineless amoeba’ floating wherever the current took me. Today I know that isn’t true. It’s not about sitting on the sofa and waiting for my life to magically change. I take action. I stay alert to subtle signs. Most of all, I follow my intuition, which for me is inseparably connected to my Higher Power.
On 17th November 2025 I celebrated three years of sobriety. I have been introduced to the Twelve-Step Programme three times now, but only in the last few months have I truly learned how to trust God. Before that, I prayed and believed, but something always stopped me from fully trusting — especially when painful things happened in my life. I struggled to believe there was meaning in those experiences.
Instead, I preferred to feel sorry for myself. I believed I hadn’t tried hard enough, that I wasn’t good enough, that I was somehow flawed or inadequate. I was convinced that if someone else were in my place, they would have succeeded. After many so-called coincidences — which I now know were not coincidences at all — I made a decision to place myself entirely in the hands of my Higher Power as I understand it. From that point on, I tried to live by one simple principle: to say, think, and do the same thing. This wasn’t easy.
During my drinking years I lied constantly to others, but mostly to myself. Even after getting sober, I still believed many untrue stories about myself and about other people. I loved being in control. I could easily create entire narratives about others in my head — often excusing their behaviour, ignoring their intentions, or overlooking their strong capacity to hurt me. My Higher Power kept sending me clear signs to end certain relationships, but I insisted on doing things my own way. As we say, I kept my foot wedged in the door, refusing to let it close. It didn’t matter that someone was constantly lying to me. It didn’t matter that I felt uncomfortable at work, in certain situations, or among certain groups of friends. One small positive change among thousands of painful moments was enough to convince me that my efforts made sense, that the door could still be forced open.
I had to ask myself hard questions: Is it worth staying in a place I hate? Is it worth being constantly available to others at my own expense? Eventually, a day came when I accepted everything that had happened to me. I accepted that I didn’t know how to let go. Because of that, all the ‘side roads’ as I call them, became longer and longer, and it grew harder to break familiar patterns. I asked my Higher Power for patience, and I was given situations where I could practice patience. I asked for direction, for things to fall into place. Instead, my Higher Power sent a hurricane – removing from my life the people I was unable to let go of myself, even though I truly wanted to. Inside me, there were warning signs: unease, fear around certain people, or in contrast, a deep sense of calm. But doing things my way, I chose to remain in fear, disrespect, dishonesty, and hypocrisy, rather than listen to what the Universe was trying to tell me.
I no longer hold resentment toward myself. This is how it was meant to be. Things had to end the way they did so that I could be reborn — and that is exactly how I feel. Like a completely new person. I feel peace. Despite difficulties and despite doing things that are hard for me, I know that everything is aligned with my Higher Power. I see the signs. I feel them. And I am happy. Today, I don’t choose what is easy. I choose what is sometimes painful, but honest. I am no longer moving away from God. I am doing what is difficult for the ‘old version’ of me, and my relationship with my Higher Power grows deeper every day, because I have finally handed over the steering wheel to a Power greater than myself.
S
YLWIA Ł, Reykjavik, Iceland
Translated from Polish by Aleksandra, from WyspiAArze nr 1 (72) / 2025