Filling The Void
MY name’s Bill and I’m an alcoholic. It’s said that the passage from Step Six to Step Seven is about moving from willingness to action. Step Six became a turning point in my life. My drinking started early, very early. I trudged through the next 30 years on a journey of single-minded self-obsession, where nothing would stand in my way. My drinking and my career became my utterly selfish lifestyle, followed not far behind by a complete disregard for anything and anyone. Inconsiderate choices and dishonest decisions were a gateway to my future; I literally would stop at nothing to achieve my goals and therein lay the foundation for Step Six. Having battered and bruised my way to a place of utter demoralisation, I finally had to admit I was now ready to throw the towel in, and yes, I was ready for change. I was now willing to hand over my old life for a new one. Closely followed by an admission that only by finding some humility in Step Seven was I ever going to be in a fit spiritual condition.
I could then start the process of changing my life around. Step Seven is very simple. It’s all about me, the alcoholic, getting my deeply entrenched personality of never giving in, out of the way. Where humility is all about me having or showing a low estimate of my own self-importance. A massive step for any alcoholic, but one I was at least going to have to open a door on. Without a dogged determination for change, I was never going to get sober. Step Six asks just one thing; was I going to become entirely willing to have my defects removed or not? In other words, did I want a sobriety driven by spiritual principles, or did I just want to be sober. I can’t embark on a spiritual journey to enlightenment whilst still carrying the defects of my past. The two don’t 15 mix. The laws of getting sober are thus – nature abhors a vacuum, if I ditch my old ways of self-seeking and fear, then this must be replaced with something.
That something is unselfishness and fearlessness. An altogether simple way of turning my life from one of upset and bitter recriminations, to one of forgiveness and peace. This pathway to change, ultimately, must start by finding some humility. I suppose my first step to a humble existence is an admission that I need to change, followed by a deeply held belief that there has to be a better life than the one I’d been living. But nothing would happen without asking for help. Without a deeply held belief that until I was going to consider complete surrender, I was not going to move forward. In the Step Seven prayer, it starts by asking for my defects to be removed and ends with a decision to do my Higher Power’s bidding. So, I start to enter a new world of being led and not as a leader. Step Seven asks that my shortcomings be removed, and this is where I have to do something very simple.
In order to have my past removed, I have to put something in its place. That something is the opposite – a new, altogether different me. If I want to stop the hurt and pain of my drinking, I must first embark on a journey of spiritual healing and peaceful change. Humility is the cornerstone of this step; it is the cornerstone of my sobriety. Therein lies my biggest hurdle, and it’s a trap I once fell into many moons ago when I thought I’d found some humility, even the tiniest bit, it probably meant just one thing. That I absolutely didn’t have any at all.
BILL THE SHIRT, Bristol