Essential Steps
MY name is Philip, and I am an alcoholic – a brave admission, but one that is essential to my recovery. My early drinking was little and infrequent, but on reflection when I took a drink it became more than one. Then true to form – as described in the Big Book – it got progressively worse. By the time I retired I was drinking virtually every day. I kept thinking I must reduce how much I’m drinking, or stop, but found that I could not. Around this time, I was due to go into hospital for a biopsy, after which I was given antibiotics and told, “No alcohol for three days”, while I took them. What!? How could I manage to not drink for three days?
Somehow, I didn’t drink, but eventually drinking did catch up with me again. One day I found myself on the floor after a fall and couldn’t get up. I called an ambulance. The paramedics arrived and helped me back onto my feet. I argued that I felt fine, but they took me to hospital for my own good. Maybe it was the cans cluttering the bedside that gave it away!? I was kept in hospital for scans, blood tests and IV infusions. They told me I was ‘alcohol dependant’ which I didn’t like much, but as soon as I was discharged, off I went to the corner shop for more supplies and that’s when I realised I’d lost control.
I’d been given an AA Where To Find when I’d left the hospital. So, biting the bullet I made contact with a group that had a promising title: Road to Recovery. The next meeting was that Sunday and I went along. I made an effort to arrive at the time it said the doors opened, which was on the meeting list. I really didn’t know what to expect, but once I arrived, I was made most welcome and advised to listen for the similarities and not the differences – good advice given my advanced years compared to most of the other Fellows there.
As I sat there waiting for the meeting to start, I started to read through the Twelve Steps up on the wall. After what had happened to me, I could identify with Step One, but the rest of the Steps? Did I really need restoring to sanity? Did I have to take an inventory and admit my personal defects? I thought I was sane and defect-free, my only problem was I drank too much. But the topic that evening was THE DOCTORS OPINION (BB p.xxv) in the Big Book. The speaker was reading out lines and passages from the Book. They explained the allergy to alcohol. It took me a little time to accept this fact, but then someone else described it as just an abnormal reaction to alcohol, and I could see that was what had taken hold in me. Later someone else explained the mental twist, and I could see the insanity in my going to the shop after I’d been discharged from the hospital.
They said if I wanted to overcome drinking I would have to get a sponsor, a Big Book and take the Twelve Steps. So, I took their advice and did just that. My sponsor asked if I was willing to go to any lengths? Just what did that mean!? I was introduced to some simple suggestions. Among them was the Just For Today card, in particular, I started to practise taking each day as it comes, to be happy, to accept life’s issues and learn from them. What you think is a problem may turn out to be an advantage.
I went through the Steps with my sponsor. In Step Four I learned a lot about my illness and realised my attitude was my enemy. Many of the early issues I encountered in my life had been of my own making after all. I continued on, working through the Steps. I have found the rewards to be amazing. Not only have I stayed sober for very nearly five years, but the Programme has relieved me of countless negative thoughts about myself, others, and life in general.
I got into service at my home group and have been doing some form of service ever since, even though I am not as fit and able as some. I arrived at AA when I was 65 years old not knowing what to expect but going through the Steps has relieved me of my alcoholic problem. I can reassure anyone that AA has worked for me and – whoever you are and however old you are – AA can work for you as well.
PHILIP H, Road to Recovery, Plymouth