Endless Spirituality
I had lost ‘God’ in my drinking days. I always used to look up and say, “God, what have I done so wrong to deserve all this pain?!” I blamed God for everything but when I was at my darkest point, like in a police cell or needed to get out of a serious situation, I would say, “God, please, please help me out of this and I promise never to do it again!” But I did do it again, and again and again, ad infinitum. I never meditated, I never stopped to think at all, it was just about drinking, and if I wasn’t drinking then my thoughts were focused on where I would get my next drink from. I lost my home, my children, my car, everything. But worst of all, I lost me, I lost my soul. My rock bottom was dark – really, really dark.
Since coming into AA, I’ve learnt so much about God, and knowing it can be a Higher Power of my own understanding really helped me to gain a better relationship and acceptance. I now have a Higher Power who I call God, and I really love that this is a spiritual Programme as there is no end to it, you can be as spiritual as you wish to be. It’s such a personal process and that makes me feel settled.
I’m nine months into my sobriety and I love to sit and meditate, I have peace of mind today and I have my soul back. Having a Higher Power in my life helps as I’ve learnt God’s the boss – not me. When things get too much, I ask for guidance and put it in God’s hands. I’m slowly getting everything back in my life, I have my home, my car and my older children with me. I’m in the process of getting my two youngest children back. “…sometimes quickly sometimes slowly.” (BB p.84) it will always materialise if we work for it. All these sayings I heard at the beginning; they are all coming true.
I’m so blessed to be an alcoholic in recovery as it’s given me a new lease of life; to know I can go anywhere without guilt. We have something very special in the Rooms and passing it on to another is honestly the best feeling. It’s beautiful and I’m a very happy customer so I think I’ll stay!
ANNETTE, Lancing
