Drawing Gratitude
DRINKING was exhausting from the first time I chugged alcohol and experienced my first blackout of many. Fast forward 25 years, and I was still drinking in the same way, and it had got very painful indeed. They weren’t kidding when they said it is a progressive disease, and luckily, I was soon to hear about what I suffered from thanks to being introduced to THE DOCTOR’S OPINION (BB p. xxv) and in time, the rest of the Big Book.
I am grateful for my window of opportunity that came after another five-day bender. I was so drunk I felt sober, and in this moment of clarity I phoned the helpline. A lady picked up the phone after the first ring and I pleaded with her to make it stop. She didn’t know me, but she knew exactly how I felt and what I meant. She reassured me I was not alone anymore, and it was going to be okay. Later I found out she didn’t even get paid.
I am grateful I started going to meetings, my first was at 7pm, and I would look forward it so much because I was so scared I would drink. Service was another blessing as it kept me going back and showed me things would be different, something that I had never considered before. I would catch myself feeling optimistic, smiling too, and it was when I got involved that I found out what this was – unity and the power of the group.
I am especially grateful for my sponsor who took me through the work for the first time and loves me unconditionally. Even when I said, “You don’t have to sponsor me anymore out of an obligation to AA,” she would just say, “What part of your illness is telling you that?” Then we would do some more Step work.
I am grateful that each day I draw my gratitude list, except this one which I have written instead. I was given the gift of art and genuinely thought that meant being skint, a bit crazy and drunk most of the time. But now I feel at peace, serene and close to my God when I draw and create, it is how we talk. When, at first, I would do this, I would struggle to illustrate three things, but now I realise that was because I was so spiritually unwell. I didn’t even know what sobriety meant four years ago, and now I am four years sober. I sponsor other women and take them through the work, like someone did for me. What a gift. I am grateful for Alcoholic Anonymous!
MARIANNE, Exeter