Clarity
WHEN I read Step Four written on a banner in a meeting, I thought to myself the Programme has this all wrong. The inventory needed to be made about everyone else. They were the problem, not me…! After working Steps One to Three and doing my life story, my denial was smashed – it was quite clear I was the problem.
I knew procrastinating on Step Four was dangerous; I didn’t want to overthink it or become so full of fear that I wouldn’t proceed. My sponsor’s support along the way gave me faith that all would be well and encouraged me to stay put when I wanted to run. I had completed some self-help workbooks in the past with no one else to navigate the work, my sponsor made the process so simple and clear. I got a lot from talking about my resentments – finally they had a place and were no longer swirling around in my head driving me insane. I didn’t like how not one of my resentments was ‘justified’ – I tried to manipulate my sponsor to let me have one, just one! They saw right through me…being told my part and getting someone else’s perspective made a lot of sense, and I could see how things could be different if I behaved differently.
I had to accept this for things to change and I was willing because I didn’t want to go back to the hell I had come from. I had hope that my life could be very different with the Programme. In recovery when I feel a resentment building, I do the resentment prayer (BB p.552) morning and night like the Book says, I have never had to do the prayer for the full two weeks on a resentment because that is how powerful the prayer is. I now know that when I start taking other people’s inventory I need to sit down and take a look at my own. I am so grateful to AA; today I live a life beyond my wildest dreams – what a gift.
ALEX, Dorset
