Building the House
FOR a long time, I thought alcohol was my only problem. When I stopped drinking, I was sure the hardest part was behind me. I put the drink down, I got through the first month, then the next. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months. I haven’t had a drink since June. My body has started to change – I’ve lost weight, I sleep differently, my system reacts in new ways. My head is slowly clearing. But when the alcohol was gone, I was still there. And that’s when the real work began. Step Six says, “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” (BB p.59) At first, I didn’t understand this Step. I thought, “I’m not drinking, I’m going to work, I’m providing for my family – what more is there?” But it goes much deeper than that. Alcohol was only the symptom, underneath was anger, a need for control, pride, stubbornness, quick emotional reactions, and the belief that I know best.
When I was drinking, I could blame everything on alcohol. Today I don’t have that excuse. Step Six is hard for me because it doesn’t say change overnight, it says be ready, and readiness can hurt because part of me doesn’t want to lose all my defects. Some of them seemed to serve me. My stubbornness helped me stop drinking. My strength of character helps me work hard and not give up. But that same stubbornness can damage relationships, that same strength can turn into aggression. I’ve come to see that abstinence is only the beginning. Not drinking is the foundation, changing my character is building the house. Today I see that the real question isn’t, “Am I sober?” It is, “Do I truly want to change?” I used to say, “That’s just the way I am.” Now I’m starting to think, “Maybe I don’t have to stay that way.”
Step Six means humility to me. Not humiliation, humility. It means accepting that I’m not a finished project; that I have defects I need to let go of, not protect. That sobriety alone won’t make me a better husband, father, or person – unless I’m willing to work on myself. I’m not perfect. Sometimes I still react too sharply. Sometimes I still want to control everything. But today I can honestly say one thing, I am ready to change. And maybe real sobriety begins with that willingness.
MAREK K, Working with Others, Luxembourg (Polish-speaking online group)
Translated from Polish by Aleksandra A for Share