A Share from a cell
HELLO everyone, my name is Mark, and I am an alcoholic. After starting drinking from a young age (daily), I find myself in a position which I never thought I would be in – sat writing this letter from a cell. My drinking took hold of my life from the get-go. Underage, getting served in my local pub, I thought, “I like this, all grown up” or so I thought, drinking with the adults thinking I was all that. It didn’t take long for me to be alcohol dependent. Although I was a functioning alcoholic with a house full of kids, a good job, lovely girlfriends, cars and two holidays a year, this was unbeknownst to me. It was all about to slowly disappear, one by one until I was left with nothing. Over the course of a few years, I went from being a fun-loving person to an absolute disgrace of a human being, after finally pushing away my own kids, family, and friends – for alcohol.
In October 2018 crunch, clank, the prison door slammed shut with me on the inside. After a series of bad decisions and mistakes it had all finally caught up with me. Laid in a dirty prison cell staring at the ceiling through tear-filled eyes, I thought, “This is it, enough is enough, I can’t go on.” I made an attempt to end my life, as I sit here writing this, you will agree that the attempt on taking my own life was about as successful as me trying for years to sort out my drinking habits – a failure. After being visited thereafter by mental health teams, I was put in contact with HMP’s Drug and Alcohol Recovery Team and was offered a way to get back on track. After working closely with them for over five years, I was given a small A5 magazine with the title Share. I took it and gave it a read and thought, “Honestly, as a prisoner, I won’t be able to be involved with this.” How wrong I was proved to be. I spread the word around the wing I currently live on, and a couple of us prisoners got to chatting about our drinking. I thought, “What if we were to set up a meeting of our own to support each other?” Now, six of us meet fortnightly in our group and two of our members, we have now learned, have been attending AA meetings before coming to prison for over twenty years combined. I now own my Big Book and subscribe to Share monthly, and I am in a better place than I have ever been – enjoying not so much my location at present but loving my five and a half years sobriety.
After reading lots of Share editions it makes me sad to read that people like me have thought of giving up and ending it all because they think that there is no hope, no reason to go on. But I am here to tell you there is a way out, help is just a phone call or a meeting away. Don’t leave it too long to ask for help like I did, believe in the Programme and you will succeed. I now have a sponsor and am starting my own recovery journey with the support of AA. I’m keen to offer help to others who need it via the AA Prison Postal Service. God bless you all.
MARK S, HMP
