A Piece Of Paper
FEELING weak is just as dangerous as feeling strong. Both can push me over the edge, and to a drink. That’s my discovery in recovery. Getting sober is full of contradictions, where there are no rights, and fortunately no wrongs. There are no hard and fast rules on sober living – nothing is sacrosanct, neither is anything imperative. Getting sober is a series of suggestions, a series of little surrenders. A set of spiritual principles which aim to turn the unmanageable to manageable, the unrecognisable to recognisable. Our twelve principles, that we call the Twelve Steps, aim to change the life of the most highly principled of principled people – the alcoholic.
Recovery is a journey of change in slow motion. Our ‘one day at a time’ slogan helps my days become sober days, where spiritual awareness can take years, and ‘easy does it’ really does do it. It’s just as much the seen as the unseen that turns a sober life into a spiritual life. It’s equally important to take actions as to ‘think think think’. If sobriety was just about stopping drinking, that would be easy, and I’d just stop. However, it’s vastly more than that. I have a set of tasks that I try and do daily. They’re physical in nature, spiritual in practice and mentally challenging at times, and help me to stay sober ‘just for today’ and live with a degree of hope and comfort that I never deemed possible.
I start by putting my day into 20-minute boxes. Each task I have goes in a separate box. Instead of a day at a time, I live one 20-minute box at a time. I try to wait at traffic lights calmly – leaving 20 minutes early usually helps. Driving can be frustrating at the best of times but letting someone out each day, even if I don’t have to, well that helps. Maybe I’ll stop to let someone cross the road. It’s a kind gesture and only takes a minute. I drive at the speed limit, or slower. Maybe I’ll hold a door open for someone or give up my place at the supermarket checkout. A few daily tasks which take no time at all and help me to feel better about myself. Recovery is about creating a world where I give instead of take – each good turn is a spiritual experience, and each gesture is a good deed. Each one leaves me feeling just a little lighter, even fulfilled. When I’m feeling good and give instead of take, love instead of hate, I have a better day. I’m less likely to drink while following a simple set of spiritual tools.
As for that piece of paper, well, I try and pick up something every day. So, if you see me outside by your hedge, be assured I’m not just being friendly and neighbourly, I’m doing something that’s equally important. I’m probably just mooching around picking up litter. Who knows – that little sweet wrapper, whilst it may not seem a lot to you, to me, it could change my world. Being granted the serenity to change the things I can is where I gain another day’s sobriety. Finding a little serenity each day has been the invisible Power in life that has stopped me – just for today – from picking up that next drink.
BILL THE SHIRT, Bristol
