The Best Decision
AFTER having the labels of child sexual assault victim, foster child, liar, cheat and probably many others, I was appalled at the label of alcoholic.Find out more
Trust in what? I came into this Fellowship having lost all trust in anyone or anything. I felt such total rejection of me as a person and never thought I’d trust another human being with my thoughts, feelings or emotions ever again. I did not truly trust my spiritual path – I acknowledged the existence of ‘something’ but, with hindsight, I realise now I didn’t feel good enough about myself to feel worthy of anyone or anything having any interest in helping me with my problems. Ask for help? Admit I had personal problems? No chance! Inside the layers of hurt I’d built up, I felt such hatred for not being able to sort out my personal problems myself and felt so alone, so isolated. The guilt and shame were overwhelming and incapacitating - yet somehow, I kept going.
Then I found the Rooms, put all my trust in the AA Programme and gradually this marvellous Programme of Recovery worked its magic on me. By the time I got to Step Five, I’d learned to trust those who were trustworthy – including myself and my Higher Power. So, with my sponsor and my Higher Power, I was ready to admit the exact nature of my wrongs, to be able to face everything thoroughly by being aware of my part in the past and letting go of what was not my responsibility. I started to trust my gut instincts again, embrace discernment and I continue to follow my spiritual path as it evolves along on this journey of recovery. I know I am no longer alone.
At the same time, the Traditions were becoming clearer. Tradition Five, for me, always reminds me that “the alcoholic who still suffers” is not just those who are still drinking but anyone in the Fellowship who is facing life-affecting challenges. Our message of unity, service and recovery is supported by being courteous, honest and empathetic – not telling our Fellows what to do but simply sharing our own experience, strength and hope. Identification with others always gets me through my challenging times.
I always believed that “God helps those who help themselves” meant I had to sort out every personal problem myself. Today, I focus on the Serenity Prayer (which is always printed on the back cover of SHARE) and know I can reach out for help when I truly need it.
Trust – what a gift!