We Are People Who Normally Would Not Mix

This story describes a young black women’s experience of getting into AA service

 

I went into my first AA meeting expecting no one to be female, my age nor my skintone. I expected middle aged white men. And to be honest, at my first (few) meeting, I was right. But what I wasn’t expecting was to have anything in common with these people; especially not an understanding of how I felt, how my drinking was taking over my life, how it was making me feel (or not feel) and the effects it was having on my relationships. I wasn’t expecting these people, in a church hall on a Sunday night, to be happy and kind and supportive towards me. I wasn’t expecting to fit in, despite my physical differences. I was too terminally unique for that. “Listen to the similarities, not the differences” I was told. Which felt odd, seeing as I was the difference in that room, the 23 year old black woman with a Don’t Talk To Me face.

I didn’t expect to stay in AA, I lived by the mantra of “Mama didn’t raise no quitter”, which exclusively applied to my drinking, because I would happily quit everything else in my life, if I felt in any way uncomfortable. But I later learnt that I am a people pleaser, and the people in that room kept saying to me “keep coming back”. So I did. 

I vividly remember people trying to give me their numbers, asking me to call them and stay connected to AA and I, the notorious self proclaimed ‘independent woman’, flat out refused claiming “I don’t really want to get too involved in this” referring to AA and the people in it, because I felt uncomfortable with the love and care I was receiving and still being unsure if I wanted “Alcoholic” to be part of my personal brand. 

Fast forward 6 months and I was still in AA, with the same faces and some new, some even matching mine. This is when I met my sponsor, a woman in her late 20s, blue hair, almost 2 years sober. She taught me that I didn’t need to have my life together but I can stay sober through God, the 12 steps and Service. After going through my steps I got involved in service, big time. Mainly because I understood the importance of Step 12, but I wasn’t being asked to sponsor any newcomers. I assume this was because I was 24 and there was not any young people coming into my local meetings. 

I chaired my home group meeting, joined Intergroup (still proudly and largely involved), started at Region for a bit and now I sponsor. It’s a funny 180 from the 23 year old who “didn’t want to get involved”.

Just because I am a Young Person of colour in AA, my Blackness (or age or gender) has never got in the way of my sobriety, connecting with my fellows or giving back what was so freely given to me. I am so many things today (some good and some things I have to work on), but my skin colour is definitely the least interesting thing about me. AA has taught me that.