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Audio Version

Unbeknown to me, thank goodness, the darkest period of my life was coming to an end.  My drinking was clearly out of my control.  When alcohol said drink, I drank.

I had started to go through a period of finishing work early (not a problem, I was self-employed, other problems obviously existed). I would be drunk, a bottle would be on the table and tears were flowing down my cheeks.  Not exactly the healthy appearance of a mature, outdoor person.  What could I do?

The Samaritans started to receive phone calls from this very unhappy man. What I remember from these calls was that I felt better, not for long however, but long enough to know that I had done something positive in my search for a solution to my problem. My last contact with the Samaritans still stands out in my memory. I was asked if I would like to speak to someone from Alcoholics Anonymous. Alcoholic! What was the man talking about! For some reason, known only to my Higher Power, I agreed. Ten minutes later AA entered my life in the form of a large ex-docker whose persuasive side had him sitting facing me not many minutes later. He talked to me and invited me to attend a meeting that evening. I declined but said I would be there the next day. To my surprise, and his, I turned up, without knowing anything about Step One or any other Step for that matter. I quickly gathered that perhaps I was an alcoholic, those people I met at that meeting had told me about their crazy way of living under the direction of King Alcohol.

I could readily admit that I was an alcoholic. It was later that I added “that my life was unmanagable”.

What followed was a see-saw existance for about eighteen months, in and out, but always thank goodness always coming back. Why was this happening, hadn't I admitted I was an alcoholic, wasn't that enough?  I was still trying to manage things my way, and we all know where that got me.

One lunchtime the most important nanosecond of my life occurred. I was in bits, crying again, World War III between the ears. Something was happening and I phoned my wife and told her.  Putting the phone down I just blurted out, “Peter, you can't handle it”. I have never drunk from that moment. I had discovered Acceptance, and with it that without Step One and all the other Steps, my life would forever be unmanagable.

Colwyn Bay