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A Healthy Relationship

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WHEN I first got to Step Seven, I really couldn’t imagine how my shortcomings could be removed.  I understood that humility and humiliation were quite different things – for which I was very grateful.  My Step work showed me that the scrapes I had got myself into (humiliation) were mostly of my own doing.  Having begun my relationship with my new understanding of God, I could see how things were different when I ‘Let Go and Let God’ be the guiding force in my life.  I knew I was still responsible but I didn’t have to be in total control.  I had been learning to trust my Higher Power.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I’ve been right.  I still have them all!  It really depends on how healthy my relationship with God is each day whether my defects will lead me astray or (hopefully) whether I will be alert and conscious to the guidance meant especially for me (There was an old war-time phrase: Be a ‘lert’, Britain needs ‘lerts’).  Having got to know my own fallibility fairly well, I can say that some days are better than others… BUT most days are better than they ever were before!

I have been given a priceless gift in understanding that the meaning of humility is much greater that I had recognised.  This has helped me to let go of that old, unhelpful thinking and given me greater peace of mind.  Peace of mind was the only thing I could identify I wanted when I came to AA.  Mostly, I feel at peace.

I have learned to accept that I will still fail at things and I will be unhappy and/or in pain at times.  Instead of becoming apart from the world, I have become even more ‘a part of’.  My fellow AAs have shown me, by their able example, that my emotions are not the whole story.  By reaching out to my Higher Power, I can use all of that to grow up a little bit more.  As the Step says, “We began to fear pain less, and desire humility more…” (12&12 p.76)

Step Seven has shown me – and re-affirms each and every day – that HOPE is alive and available to me.  All I need do is reach out and take God’s hand – or, sometimes, just climb in.