Step Two - February Is The Cruellist Month

FEBRUARY is usually very bitter. It is the time when people have colds and flu, it is when all the bills for Christmas come in, emptying the purse. In February, all that lies ahead is empty, except for Easter which is not a jolly festival. Usually, nobody likes February. However, for me, February is a marvellous time. It was the month when I first came to AA, releasing me from the grip of an obsession to drink ceaselessly. It is also the month of our wonderful Step Two, “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." The wisdom in this Step is immense. I already believed in a Higher Power that I called God, but I felt that he/she had deserted me because I was so worthless. And I felt that I deserved to be deserted because I could not do what I knew to be good sense and stop problem drinking. The ‘Footsteps’ story applied in my case; when I thought that God had left me, he was carrying me and he carried me to AA.

Just arriving in AA did not stop me drinking. I still tried to find ways to imbibe without it leading to trouble, but these never worked. I did not have a single drinking bout which did not land me with problems, embarrassment and hurting innocent, loved persons. Of course, everyone at my meetings understood this; many of them had gone through the same process. And my Higher Power knew this too. He/she was fully aware of what AA could do - in the short term or the long term. For me, it was the latter. As the weeks passed, the ‘slips’ became less until I really did cease drinking. My Higher Power and the people in the meetings (by now friends) did the trick.

The concept of a Higher Power is very difficult to grasp for many people. Some people ask if you have to belong to a church to be able to ask a Higher Power for help and the answer to this is, “No". Some people, who have been put off religion for some reason can only think of the Higher Power as God and will not accept help from this entity. Some people will not believe in any abstract force which could help them. Others look upon the members of an AA meeting as constituting a Higher Power, Often the Higher Power is simply regarded as an unknown, invisible ‘force’ which can do good. In fact, just believing in a possible Higher Power without describing or defining it in any way, can be sufficient. The important thing is to come into AA with HOPE, to try to stop drinking, and to listen to what is said at AA meetings. When I had been in AA for 16 years, I confessed in a meeting that I had never ‘twelve-stepped’ anyone. A murmur went round the room and, one by one, members said that something I had shared in a meeting had been the catalyst that had convinced them to stop drinking. I was astonished, but I shouldn't have been, for the AA shares are some of the most vital components of the Fellowship.

Many people, if not most people, come into AA full of fear: fear of the meeting; fear of looking stupid; fear of failure; fear of themselves. It is amazing how soon that fear goes away and it is often because of Step Two. Just an awareness of the existence of “…a Power greater than ourselves…" can give hope and faith. Many people have given up ever getting help that works and, now, there is a possibility of something unknown that could be useful. Shares backing up this possibility with real stories can strengthen the hope and faith. Just BELIEF is itself an almost concrete thing to hold onto. The word POWER is of enormous importance. First arrivals at AA often feel that they have no strength to alleviate the unmanageable lives that they have. When they see the word POWER, they can tell themselves that this can, maybe, be a source of strength. They will each have an individual concept of what ‘power’ means and this can give them an inkling that AA has something useful to offer them.

Usually, when we come to AA we are at the end of our tether. We feel small, worthless, and incapable of solving any problem. The idea of something "…greater than ourselves…" seems a logical one as we may feel inferior to everything. So, we can grasp with both hands this superior something that may be of use. Step Two is still of great value to me at the age of 84, after 34 years in the Fellowship. I still need assistance to keep me sane and to prevent me slipping back into drinking.

MAURICE, Cheltenham Spa.