A Different Life

Audio Version  

My name is Anita and I am an alcoholic. I am not going to write about my absolute despair and loneliness of not being able to live without my friend alcohol who, today I know, was slowly leading me down the slippery slope to an agonizing death. To anyone reading this Share magazine maybe you are in recovery or someone may have given you the magazine in the hope that you will one day join us on the happy road to freedom from king alcohol. To anyone looking at me, they saw a healthy normal adult. I married, had children, had a lovely house, two cars etc. etc. but I always felt alone, not part of. I was the one on the outside always looking in, wanting to be part of the crowd, just wanting a friend. When I found my, 'friend' alcohol I felt able to join in, to be able to converse, laugh, dance and give my opinion until my friend turned on me. All of the things began to disappear, invitations became fewer and fewer, I was left out again. I lost my marriage, my children did not want to be around me, I lost my self-respect etc. etc. Those who are reading this will understand the complete and utter degradation no human being should feel. I could not function without my, 'friend'. My life then became consumed with where I could get my alcohol and how much I could drink before passing out wherever I was?

When my life became so intolerable and I could only live for the next drink I came under the care of our local hospital and was given an ultimatum, live or die. Decision time, I chose to live and went into a rehab centre from which I was pointed in the direction of Alcoholics Anonymous which became the very best decision I had made in my alcoholic life. This is only a small part of my journey into recovery from alcohol as it took many years before I found another friend called Alcoholics Anonymous who has remained my friend for many years. My life is not the one I imagined I would have in Alcoholics Anonymous. Today I have many friends and friends who I have not met yet who all share the same contented and serene life I lead. We all have ups and downs and have chosen to live life on lifeâ??s terms without the crutch of alcohol but with the help and guidance of our Twelve Step Programme. Although I live alone, I am not lonely and my children are part of my life today, my five grandchildren have never seen their Nanna drunk as did their parents (who were sometimes afraid to come home from school not knowing how they would find me).

I attend my regular meetings and have given myself to service in the Fellowship which has given me the confidence I lacked before I became a very grateful member of Alcoholics Anonymous. If you are reading this and are not sure about abstinence from alcohol as I was when I came to my first meeting (I just wanted to learn how much to drink without the consequences) please, please give it your very best shot - no pun intended - life without alcohol is a life without hassle of where to get that next drink, without the loneliness it is FREEDOM from that bondage of alcohol.

Not every day is a happy day but I have learnt how to cope with these days without turning to alcohol and live life on lifeâ??s terms - I find a meeting, talk to another alcoholic, go for a walk, there are many things I can do today without alcohol.

I live my life one day at a time and today my life is so full of living, but I always find the time to give to Alcoholic Anonymous. The Fellowship saved my sanity and my life and without it I would not be alive and where I am today. My children are happy today because of my sobriety and my wonderful grandchildren will never have to see a drunk Nanna so who could not be so grateful for that?

I could go on and on about my gratitude for my sobriety but realise that it has to become the focus of my recovery and it has to be worked for on a daily basis for without it I am NOBODY, not a mother, grandparent, friend or recovering alcoholic. My very grateful thanks especially to the Fellowship in Nottingham and the many friends I have made at conventions around the world today.

ANITA S, Nottingham