Where I'm At Now

Audie Version  

AFTER years of wanting to write to SHARE magazine I'm finally doing it! SHARE was a huge part of my early recovery. As a mum of four children under six, I could only make a couple of meetings a week and having literature around was hugely helpful. Now I'm nearing seven years of continuous sobriety after a relapse at 20 months in the Fellowship. In this time there have been seismic changes in my life, things which I never could have predicted and which I certainly wouldn't have been able to manage in my drinking days. Early on in the rooms I heard people come in and share they were going through divorce, bereavement, loss of jobs, mental health struggles, sickness and difficult family situations. I was assured that if I attended regular meetings, got a sponsor and worked the Steps I too could ride the waves of life when it hit rather than run and hide in a bottle (or three).

My relapse came when my husband was made redundant and we needed to move to a new area for work. I hadn't worked the Steps and I was still regularly experiencing overwhelming urges to drink in amongst periods of calm. I hadn't learnt alternative ways to process the feelings of fear, anger and stress that I was under. I didn't have faith. Having moved I immediately got a new sponsor and finally worked through the Programme. It took me about a year to fully realise I hadn't had any cravings for a drink. The obsession had been lifted!

Since then I've dealt with one of my children being diagnosed as autistic and started home educating her, another of my children has experienced severe mental health problems and been diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome and 18 months ago my identical twin sister died from an aggressive form of cancer. I have been struggling with a deep depression since then. But guess what? Those people were right! I can get through anything without a drink. But the real miracle is that I don't even WANT a drink.

AA and the wonderful caring people in my home group have carried me through it all. They've called me up and asked me to take on the role of secretary when they saw me struggling, they've answered the phone, my texts and my cries of pain every step of the way. No matter how dark life seems, I have faith that this Programme and the Fellowship with be there for me. That my pain will pass and that I will regain the serenity that I know a life of sobriety can bring. 

My gratitude for my life in AA is enormous.

ANON