I wasn't expecting that

It's 5.28am, 4 November 2020 and tomorrow is my ‘belly button birthday’. I am four weeks’ sober or 29 days and 24 meetings in the doors and I am just learning that ‘I am not alone’.

Right now, I am at the loneliest place I’ve ever been and already have lost so much to get here: driving licence gone, car gone, kids gone and partner nearly gone – all of which I sought revenge for, but my revenge bids failed.

I cried for hours in the hospital that day when I realised I was removed from my family by social work. I thought it was everyone else’s fault. I was yet to learn I was the author of my own destiny.

I am in early days and have three numbers of people who I can lift the phone to before that first drink. AA has really made a difference in my battle with this threefold illness. I believe I have found a God of my own understanding. I believe that is the basis of making it, a day at a time, to four weeks’ sober.

Suicide, depression and more still hang over me, and I am a long way from being well, but I feel every meeting I can get to will help. Every tear I shed, every number I am offered, all help me to take it one day at a time and stay sober by not lifting that first drink.

Anonymous (postal)