A Twenty-Year Anniversary

"I still have that desire and hope I still will as I approach my twentieth anniversary."

I am a sober, recovering alcoholic whose anniversary is 12 February 2003. Thank you all fellows of AA for saving my life. I had been invited to go to a ‘home for the bewildered’ due to my drinking and the things I did under the influence of drink and because of my ISM (I self me). I turned down rehab as I had turned down the lady who 12-Stepped me when I was 20 years old. Although I was still employed and had a licence and car, I nearly gave all that up for drink. I was deeply depressed due to the volume and regularity of the liquid depressant I was drinking. I had contemplated suicide and although I didn’t really know it, I faced the end. When I woke, defeated at depth, I phoned a contact taken from the AA Where to Find near me. I have been sober from that phone call to this day. 

Meetings, Service, Fellowship, unconditional love, Sponsorship, the Steps, conventions, the principles of the Programme, all were elements that gave me a power over drink, where I had none before. I didn’t do it perfectly; I balked at Steps 6 and 7 and sought outside help before finishing the Steps first time round five years in. My behaviour in AA was less than satisfactory but honesty, open-mindedness and willingness were ‘HOW’ I not only got sober, but dealt with the other issues in life that were the next things that would have killed me. I found peace, forgiveness and serenity - well most days. An inventory and admitting when I am wrong help the off days, or the off parts of days. 

A round of the Munros, finishing in 2011, getting involved in conservation, educating myself in mental health studies, English, chemistry, countryside management and now social sciences, rewilding my garden, being a home owner, have all become possible for me. I enjoy relationships with parents, dining friends, pals in and out of recovery and I have overcome my hatred and fear of organised religion sufficiently for me to attend as and when I want. I was told as a non-believer that if I prayed and listened for six weeks, six months or six years I would come to believe. I have and hopefully I am slowly being restored to sanity too. 

Last night I attended a fancy-dress murder mystery party. It dawned on me that at age 49 it was my first invitation. I had prided myself in the early days as being a party animal. I guess folk with my background and attitude aren’t that popular. Self-pity could have overwhelmed me. Instead I attended an online AA meeting as a priest in my fancy dress. Nobody believed I was in fancy dress but I wasn’t judged or made unwelcome which was very funny - well I laughed. AA is for anyone who has a desire to stop drinking. I still have that desire and hope I still will as I approach my twentieth anniversary. Thanks again to all of AA and the God of my understanding who saved me.

Richard D, 
Aberdeenshire