Kindness Eases Change

Almost from my earliest days in the Fellowship, I heard people suggest that I had to change. The nasty, aggressive, self-opinionated, self-centred, selfish person that came through the doors was doomed to die an alcoholic death.  That old me had to change if I was to give the real me a chance of surviving and growing - but how to change?  Although the Twelve Step Recovery Programme is the vehicle that took me to the place I am in today, I had to make the initial change to enable myself not to pick up the first drink and stick around long enough to join a group and get started with a sponsor.

This is where the title of this article made me think of my earliest days in AA. I often say that when I came back to Alcoholics Anonymous I was loved back to health. This was completely essential because I was lost; I could not make any meaningful decisions for myself. The people I met were kind and gentle. Slowly, I gathered myself together and settled down in service within the Fellowship.

During this period, I witnessed other newcomers being subjected to what some may call ‘tough love.’ This approach seemed to consist of being hard on newcomers and ordering them to do things that were deemed to be ‘in their best interest.’ I’m not saying one approach is better than another but I simply have to be aware of the nature of new people before deciding how to suggest the changes that they have to make. There doesn’t seem to be a one-size-fits-all approach. With all of this in mind, when I am approached by a newcomer or someone I don’t know in a meeting, I try to take the soft approach. I don’t think anyone has been scared away by obvious kindness.

Colin I  
Troon Sunday Night Group