Rock Bottom

As I thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread and the world revolved around me, it came as a tremendous shock - at 25 years of age - to start thinking that what people had been telling me since I was 16 years old was true: “Douglas, you should not take drink”.

I have been powerless over drink since before I took it aged about 14. I had tried to get my late father and late brother to control or stop drinking when I saw the hell they took in to our once peaceful home, but to no avail. I promised my mother I would never drink and cause her further hell, but I drank and got legless, blackout, spewing-my-ring-up drunk at 14, carried home and thrown onto my bed, of which I have no recollection - and that was the best my drinking ever was. It was all downhill after that. No wonder people told me not to drink, but I knew better, knew that I was in control. In fact, I knew everything.

No wonder they say in AA: “You can tell an alcoholic, but you can’t tell him much.” However, when I started to doubt whether I was in control or not and life seemed to continually get worse, and the booze was not working the same, I was in severe mental anguish.

Why won’t God, if there is a God, just take me off the face of the earth with no pain, no blood, no suffering and spare me and those I would leave behind this constant hell and anguish? But no, there was another day of it, and another day of it, for a further two years until by God’s guidance I was admitted to a mental hospital where AA found me.

Stay away from one drink for one day, keep out of wet places, keep in sober company and attend meetings was the only message carried in those days. I did that, and as the early years rolled by, the world started to revolve around me faster. How AA had existed before I got here I do not know, but now that I am here you should all pay attention to me! And they did, when it all hit the fan after I had been dry for almost six years. Divorced, jailed, unemployed, homeless, not a penny to my name, things had surely happened beyond my wildest dreams. A rock bottom far lower than booze had ever taken me to.

Here the fellowship, the unity, the friendships, came to the fore and carried me for probably the next 10 or 12 years, before I got life manageable again. Members cared for me, gave me a bed for the night, fed me, gave me a bob to put on the plate at the meetings so that I wouldn’t be embarrassed and wouldn’t let me out of their sight because they knew the mental state I was in and the hate for certain others I carried.

At this time the Steps, Traditions, God, were being talked about at meetings and I was introduced to the recovery programme which is still, along with my faith today, the most important thing in my life.
As an elderly man now (75 this year), life is so much easier than it was, thanks to people who carry this message of recovery, not just stopping drinking. I try to practise the principles of the 12 Steps in my life on a daily basis, but never forget where I came from, both with drink and without it.

If I don’t live in accordance with the recovery programme, there could still be another rock bottom waiting for me. I have had enough of those, I prefer the peace and contentment sober living has given me over a number of years.
Stay safe.

Douglas
Inverness Steps and Traditions, Sunday night