Becoming The Person I Was Meant To Be

Audio Version 

My name is Terri and I am an alcoholic. I fell through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous a hopeless, helpless drunk on April 5 2000. I was beaten, broken, bankrupt and bald, as I had ‘restyled’ my hair in a blackout.

My introduction to AA was the opening meeting of the Inverness Gathering where an unknown man shared his experience, strength and hope. I identified with him and realised that maybe, just maybe, I too was an alcoholic and if he could do it there might be hope for me. Before I had listened, really listened to what that man shared I thought it was impossible for someone like me, who still held a responsible job, drove a company car and wore a business suit, to be an alcoholic. I was in complete denial. I had left my husband and two remaining children at home and was drinking myself into oblivion on a nightly basis. The unacceptable had become acceptable.

The following night I joined a home group and watched how everyone set up and washed up after the meeting. Eventually I asked if I could help and as an ardent and vociferous non-smoker I was allocated the task of emptying the ash trays. This was the first step on my service journey in AA.

 I believe my Higher Power led me to meet my sponsor who introduced me to the 12 Step Programme of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was afforded time to grow in recovery and to understand, develop and build my relationship with my Higher Power. I was then introduced to AA’s 12 Traditions and 12 Concepts and I learned to try to practise these daily through the example of other members that I had the privilege to work with in service at group, intergroup and regional level. At times throughout my recovery I have hit the wall of complacency. These are the very times I need to do more service, not less. My spiritual journey has been enhanced time and time again when I have actively engaged in my primary purpose and it was beyond my wildest dreams to be ratified as trustee for Highlands and Islands Region at Conference 2018.

As a trustee of the General Service Board (GSB) I was appointed to serve on the Nominations Committee (NOMS). My duties include conducting telephone interviews of the nominees for the various service position vacancies on the Sub-Committees. This requires me to thoroughly prepare and to try to put the member at ease to ensure that they enjoy the interview. I then submit a written report to the chair and other members of the NOMS. As in all groups within the Fellowship decisions are based on the group conscience.

 I also chair the Health Sub-Committee (HSC) along with another trustee and a non-alcoholic trustee (NAT). Since AA’s earliest inception health professionals have played a vital role in AA’s journey. Historically, Dr W D Silkworth, Dr Bob and Sister Ignatius set the bar very high and the current HSC work tirelessly to carry the message to as many health professionals as possible. From north to south, the Channel Islands and Continental Europe, countless presentations and Open Meeting Workshops have been delivered to more than two thousand student and vocational training doctors, nursing degree students, midwives, police, firemen and frontline staff.

 In early sobriety my concentration was so poor that I could neither read nor comprehend whole chapters of text but every night my bedtime reading was the Scottish Fellowship Magazine, Roundabout. I identified with the members who did service by writing articles and sharing their experience, strength and hope and Roundabout became a well-used tool in my spiritual toolkit.

Imagine my feelings when in November 2019 I was asked if I would carry out the service responsibility of chairing the Roundabout Sub-Committee. I knew and respected previous trustees and editors of the magazine and understand the love the Scottish Fellowship has for Roundabout and, as in every other service role I have carried out I am only asked to try. The Editorial Team produce a wonderful magazine each month and my role is one of support and guidance. Even through Covid the team have made sure that AA members get their Roundabout.

When I came to AA all I wanted to do was get the hell out of my life. Instead, through practising the Twelve Step Programme, working with my sponsor, sponsoring others and having a Higher Power in my life, I have been able to give back, through commitment to my primary purpose and service, that which was freely given – enabling me to grow into the person I was meant to be.

Terri S

Friars Street Inverness