Audio Version 
How can I begin to describe what I owe to these people, this anonymous band of men and women who loved me back to life? Who welcomed me with open arms and kissed me when the rest of the world looked back in horror and disgust at what my life had become. They did not judge me, nor were they interested in my social standing or material worth. They gave of themselves freely with no dues or fees demanded ever.
I was taken in as one of their own right from the very beginning - there was no trial period or interview. From the word go I was an equal and just as important as the longest serving member of their community.
What they offered me was hope - it had been a long time since I had been hopeful. They achieved this by their unique ability to understand and listen to what had happened to me. They were able to empathise in the way only one can truly empathise with another because they share the same experience. And it was impossible to shock them. Their generosity and complete acceptance of me was overwhelming.
I didn't like it at first - I was in such a bad way. I didnā??t like mixing with people as I was so ashamed of myself. I had lost my self-respect and my dignity and I had no sense of self-worth whatsoever. I believed that people were disgusted when they looked at me, feeling barely human. At that time I believed I had made a moral choice to live like this.
Now I realise I felt like this as, deep down, I understood this was what alcoholism was - that alcoholics had made a choice to live the way they did. It is not difficult to understand that misconception, as the moral choices alcoholics make when their disease is active are generally not good choices. Not surprising when you understand that a sick alcoholic is totally consumed with the obsession of getting alcohol and that this mission takes priority over everything and everyone.
The people taught me that I was suffering from an illness and that it was a very serious illness for which there was no cure; that I could recover, be restored to sanity and keep the disease at bay if I obeyed the rules; that I would definitely get well and learn to live again as long as I stuck to the rules.
Theresa,
Viewpark Tuesday Group
FIRST PRINTED IN AUGUST 2009