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WORLD WAR III BETWEEN MY EARS
Unbeknown to me, thank goodness, the darkest period of my life was coming to an end. My drinking was clearly out of my control. When alcohol said drink, I drank.
I had started to go through a period of finishing work early (not a problem, I was self-employed, other problems obviously existed). I would be drunk, a bottle would be on the table and tears were flowing down my cheeks. Not exactly the healthy appearance of a mature, outdoor person. What could I do?
The Samaritans started to receive phone calls from this very unhappy man. What I remember from these calls was that I felt better, not for long however, but long enough to know that I had done something positive in my search for a solution to my problem. My last contact with the Samaritans still stands out in my memory. I was asked if I would like to speak to someone from Alcoholics Anonymous. Alcoholic! What was the man talking about! For some reason, known only to my Higher Power, I agreed. Ten minutes later AA entered my life in the form of a large ex-docker whose persuasive side had him sitting facing me not many minutes later. He talked to me and invited me to attend a meeting that evening. I declined but said I would be there the next day. To my surprise, and his, I turned up, without knowing anything about Step One or any other Step for that matter. I quickly gathered that perhaps I was an alcoholic, those people I met at that meeting had told me about their crazy way of living under the direction of King Alcohol.
I could readily admit that I was an alcoholic. It was later that I added “that my life was unmanagable”.
What followed was a see-saw existance for about eighteen months, in and out, but always thank goodness always coming back. Why was this happening, hadn't I admitted I was an alcoholic, wasn't that enough? I was still trying to manage things my way, and we all know where that got me.
One lunchtime the most important nanosecond of my life occurred. I was in bits, crying again, World War III between the ears. Something was happening and I phoned my wife and told her. Putting the phone down I just blurted out, “Peter, you can't handle it”. I have never drunk from that moment. I had discovered Acceptance, and with it that without Step One and all the other Steps, my life would forever be unmanagable.