The Hideous Four Horsemen

Terror, bewilderment, frustration, despair. My life was governed by them and I would try once again to stop or control my drinking - one more attempt and one more failure. 

Deeper and deeper I went, still thinking that one day I would manage, but mentally knowing I couldn’t. What a state of mental health to be in - how was it going to end?

Some of us pursue this to the gates of insanity or death and mentally, death was drawing closer, as I couldn’t go on. The suicide plans were drawn up but the courage to see it through wasn’t there. Then came the insane asylum and finally AA.

It’s funny how God gives us free rein with our will and yet allows us to sink to these depths before offering an escape route. 

We are told to stay away from one drink, for one day, for oneself and attend meetings regularly. Join a group, get a sponsor and be taken through the Recovery Programme. 

What a life it offers you. What price peace of mind and contented living? At my home group recently, we shared on Steps Six and Seven and the consensus was that defects (I never had any before I joined AA) are still very much alive within us even today.

I speak for myself when I say they just don’t surface like they used to. ‘Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change.’ How true. 

Great to have the people, the power and the Programme in my life today.

Thanks for your help.

Anonymous